Tonight’s Boston show featured Nate, Liz and Anthea. Is this the second Miami focused post of the week? Must be the unseasonably warm temps.

Our FAM for the night was Alex. She is visiting from Miami and has a suicidal dog. We fixated on that – her dog has ODed on advil, been shot by a hunter and most recently was kicked in the face by a horse. Really. We also learned he speaks “dog Enlish” and really misses Alex. Likewise. It’s a tortured long distance relationship.

Nate warmed us up with a rousing rendition of We Are the World. (May you rest in peace MJ.) Apparently the lyrics are “We are the world, we are the children, we are the nuhnuh nanana nuhnuh…” Just like I always thought they were.

We finished off the night with a game of Typewriter, hosted by Nate, where two pre-pubescent caterpillars were torn apart by a beautiful butterfly. John Grisham-esque crime scenes, pregnant skeletons and Harry Potter were all involved in the descent of this torrid relationship. We also got a romance novel in there, so maybe it was a turgid relationship.

The three of us had terrible time management tonight. Don’t worry, Story, Story, Die and Sit, Stand, Lie Down took place in the green room after the show. They were hilarious! Too bad we all missed it.

And Scene!

Welcome back to another exciting edition of He Said, She Said. Yes, a little late this time around. But well worth it. So let’s stop dawdling!

Dear Erin & Ryan,

Are French manicures out of style?

From Erin:

The French manicure, for those outside of the know, is a fingernail style characterized by white tips and a clear base. The French manicure is classic and clean but not always on trend, like a strand of pearls or a Barry Manilow recording. But the wise fashionistas know that a trend is best done as a splashy accent to your basic ensemble. You certainly can’t show up for work in parachute pants AND gold lame unless your name is M.C. Hammer. You have to learn to pair the fashion forward with the classic.

Try your glittery new dress with bright red nails. Ouch! With so much going on, who knows where to look? Now try it with the polish of a French manicure. Beautiful. Try those bright red nails at the office and you have opened the door for angry Ms. Hooper two cubicles over to spread rumors regarding your promiscuity, but a clean and subtle French manicure will be sure to keep that nosey bitch in check.

Personally, I am anxiety ridden, and therefore chew my nails into short, grotesque, fashion less nubs. But if you don’t have the dedication for that much upkeep and also don’t experience the sheer tactile fear I do when faced with a nail technician, a French manicure is an excellent everywhere, every wear option.

From Ryan:

Why the hell should I care? French manicures? I’m a guy, lady. I’m not looking at your fingernails. In fact, I don’t think any guy really does. Sure, the choice of fingernail style might say something about you, but we weren’t paying attention to what that was.

We’re looking at and for the following (please note that all parts mentioned are in guy-speak):

• The Ma-Hamina-Haminas
• Col. Sanders’ Endless Chicken
• Your Sands Through the Hourglass
• Your Fart Jar
• Benson
• And finally, your Whispering Surprise

Only guys know what I am talking about. And I plan on keeping it that way.

Dear Erin & Ryan,

Where do babies come from?

From Ryan:

Seriously, mack? You want to ask me where babies come from? This is the sort of talk you are supposed to have with your mom and dad! I don’t understand why you would come to me with this. I don’t even know you. I don’t know why you’d go to Erin, either. From what I hear, she eats babies. Every day.

I think it would be best to actually analyze what compelled you to come to this advice column rather than go to a parent. Let’s start there: this is an advice column. Perhaps, deep down, you are really seeking out advice and decided to hide behind this question. But why this question? Maybe the question is still at the core of what you really want advice about. Let’s work some improve magic and turn this question into an advice-driven question. What possible things do we have here? I will answer these possibilities as quickly as possible.

“Would I make a good baby?”

That depends. How did you do the first time? Think about your past performance, have a true evaluation, and then go for it.

“Can I trust my baby to drive my car long distances?”

Your baby will most likely mimic your driving habits. If you are good at driving, most likely your baby will be good as well. But I would go to an empty parking lot a few times just to be sure.

“What’s the best way to get rid of a baby?”

I’m calling the cops.

“Is it wrong to be jealous of my baby?”

Babies are going to get a lot of attention no matter what. Live with it. Look at the kid from Two and a Half Men. Society will eventually stop caring.

“My significant other and I want to have a baby, but we can’t tell if it is the right time in our lives. What kind of questions should we be asking ourselves to truly know if we are ready?”

I’m calling the cops.

That’s about all I have right now. Oh, but in case you really wanted to know where babies come from…I have no clue.

From Erin:

….And supposedly I am the one who skirts the question?? No, Ryan, it is pretty obvious who wears the skirt in this relationship. (I’ll give you a hint- it sounds like RYAN)

Baby. First used in the late 1300′s, a diminutive form of “babe” which is likely derived from “babble” as in the sound that babies make. Probable languages of origin are many, including Gaelic, Russian, French and Latin.

Also, in the unlikely event that I somehow misunderstood your question, please reference the video below.

BABIES AND HOW THEY COME TO BE

You’re welcome.
Erin

Remember to keep those questions coming! Ask for advice here in the comments, live at a BYOI show, or email us at hesaidshesaidquestions@gmail.com.

It may have been fun to hang outside tonight , but with BYOI at Youth Pride Inc. it was a blast to be inside!  Tonight Evan, Ryan, Paul, Anthea and Myself performed at YPI in Providence.  It is a safe space drop in center for GLBTQQ youth in Rhode Island and did we ever have a blast!

Our FAM tonight was Noel a bakery student whose life dream is to be a fashion designer.  Beauty & the Beast is a favorite movie for this one and if given a million dollars to spend frivilously there would be a whole lot of frosting to eat!

We start of with the quickest minute where the moral of the story is that handsome lives!  Next up in Try That on for Size we had sand in our eyes and the baby being tossed out in the bath water.  Next up in Timmy in the Well, Justin Bieber was beheaded in the garage… not coming back from that one.  Alphabet saw us swimming in dessert and drinking slurpees in Pandora.  In Catch Phrase, a night at the club gave us a sexy pants dance and in Sit, Stand & Lie Down one Walmart camping trip crosses the “line.”  Finally we finished off with Sing It, where we sung about almost everything including a fabulous duet by Evan and Ryan!

Thanks for having us YPI!

And Scene!

The Warwick Museum of Art show was great fun for the family, with Daniel, Evan, John, Krissy and Erich joining the evening’s host, Paul.

After RESPECT, the FAM was chosen, and this time it was Franz. Franz does IT for a high school. He likes hockey, and if he had to fend off aliens with a toilet bowl scrubber, he’d defend the planet by force cleaning the aliens. He’s a fan of Sherlock Holmes, not a fan of Newt Gingrich and said he’s “less than cool.”

Krissy sang her way through great advice in FAM Guidance Counselor. Evan was uncool and short, Daniel had issues being ignored because he was a spy, and John was hated for being a young Republican.

Erich warmed everyone up witha story about a bad zookeeper.

Audience member Andrea jumped in for Grand Theft Auto. Some of the hijackers were pirahana-shaped boomerangs, pink Bambis, prancing baba ganoushes and philosophising banditos.

In Meanwhile, Sherlock Holmes was insulting John Watson’s intelligence, or lack thereof. Places that were visited were a “Family Guy” fan’s house.

John played the officer and Andrea was the witness in Interrogation Lineup. After some tough questioning, somone finally admitted to cutting the tag off of a mattress at Taco Bell with Bozo the Clowmm

Audience member Chris joined Krissy and Erich in the Quickest Minute remakes of “Taken.”

Erich and John discussed the Superbowl in Yes And…

Daniel was the director for Serious Scene, which took place at a job interview. Kind of fun to have a job interview while the actors were getting fired.

Evan, Daniel and Andrea were members of the media for Press Conference. They were interviewing John, who was George W Bush. His exciting news was that he bought a kangaroo farm.

Audience members Ammar and Huzaifah joined Paul as the Good, the Bad and the Ugly, respectively. They gave good, bad and ugly advice on a variety of topics, like Playdoh and taking care of animals. For instance, you shouldn’t put Playdoh in your cat’s fur or take your dog for a ride in a cage on the top of you car. If you do, Sarah McLachlan might show up and sing to you until you feel a sufficient guilt trip.

In Follow That Action, all nationalities and accents made appearances.

Finally, Evan was joined by John, Krissy and Paul for Irish Song. They sang about dentists and forceful cleaning.

Don’t forget, BYOI’s next home shows are Friday, February 10 and Sunday, February 12, which will be the Valentine shows. We will not be performing next Sunday, February 5, so our cast and fans can enjoy the Superbowl.

And scene!

For those of you that have been enjoying the new He Said, She Said column, we thank you. To those who haven’t read it yet, quit lollygagging.

While we will still take new questions at shows and in the blog comments, you can now email Erin and Ryan directly with any and all queries.

Email us at hesaidshesaidquestions@gmail.com

Gmail, eh? Do I sense ramblings on Google+ down the line? Who knows…

Hope to hear from you all soon!

It was a great night for improv in Providence at the new 95 Empire (formerly Perishable Theatre). John was the host and he was backed by Daniel, Paul, Joe, Oscar and Krissy.

We had a very special FAM. You may know Stephanie as our globe-trotting cast member. She’s home for a few days before going back to London to learn lots of stuff. Steph said if she wanted to do something different with her life, she might want to be an astronaut. Why? Because space is cool. Steph came to BYOI with her sister Jacki, who said she’d put Steph in a low cut ice skating costume. She has a ginger neighbor in London, where the men are not as attractive as the suits they wear.

First up was FAM Growing and Shrinking Machine. British men suited up, it was fashion week, Steph’s family had a meeting, and roses & daffodils were given out on a dating show.

Krissy then warmed everyone up with a car alarm chorus.

In What Are You Doing, Paul was bringing peace and justice to the Middle East, John was excelling at everything by doing nothing, and Joe was picking out a mail order bride.

Audience member Coburn and BYOI alum Marina joined the cast for Lines From a Cup. Krissy and Coburn were teaching kids and gave them tainted water, while Oscar, Paul and Marina had balloons in soda and a helium filled didgeridoo.

Daniel and Coburn were fighting the good fight in Good Cop, Bad Cop. They were interrogating pirate Joe because he voted Republican in Russia with Elmo.

Sports Commentator was a blast with audience members Chris and Claudia. Paul and Chris were the commentators while Krissy was the ref for the Photo Copying Championship. John and Claudia were competing and took the ref out.

After the break, Joe and Krissy gave a lesson is using the entire stage in Yes And…

In Say It Again, Oscar and Steph were playing mini golf in Hawaii. Poor Oscar ended up getting golf balls to both eyes and he told us that blue is his favorite color or hot dog. Audience member Ronnie then joined Krissy and Daniel as a family outside the supermarket. Joe dinged Daniel a ton of times, and Ronnie eventually revealed that he is the queen of the trolls.

In Pavlovian Response, Joe played Pavlov…an evil Pavlov. He was part of a group of scouts trying to earn their emotional growth merit badge. Anytime someone put their hands on their hips, Marina had to play with her hair. Then Paul had to yell, “I’m in Miami, b****!” anytime anyone touched their head or hair. This led to Joe standing there with his hands on his hips for the majority of the game, and the results were hilarious.

Ronnie, Steph and Coburn joined the cast for Story, Story, Die. Krissy hosted and we all learned the crazy story of Camo the camel who loves wine and women, and also plays Hungry Hungry Hippos when he’s frisky. The players had some interesting deaths: by hat, by children, and by Elmo, to name a few. Daniel was the lone survivor.

Follow That Action started off on a Mediterranean cruise with Oscar drawing John, and Krissy was trapped on the 7 week cruise because it started with Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. Daniel told his daughter that artists don’t make money, yet Oscar made a bit of it drawing other passengers nude. Joe got a lawn dart to the face, and then Jesus showed up. He was somehow joined by Buddha, Vishnu and Moses.

The cast rounded out the night with Hoedown, where they all had something to say…I mean, sing…about gingers.

And scene!

Tonight’s Boston show was a resounding success! Today’s opening groups were Teacher’s Lounge Mafia and Liquid Fun… both were hilarious!

Our Fam member for the night was Ryan. He’s a student at BU from the mean streets of Newburyport studying Foreign Relations. His interests include film and television, and dominating at basketball.

We started the night off with 3 scenes from Ryan’s life. In it we experienced his father’s disappointment with Ryan’s education decision. From there we moved on to his “dealings” with a wacky entrepreneur with equally wacky named products. Wacky is fun to say. Lastly we saw Ryan’s total domination of a wheelchair basketball league. It was an eye-opening segment for all of us.

After Anthea warmed up the crowd, Ken led us in a game of Genre. We saw the ordeal of a rotisserie man in a 7-11. It should be noted, that he was actually on the rotisserie. Cannibalism folks. The scene shifted to a western when Rotisserie began to attack the shopkeeper. Only the very pregnant sheriff could keep things together… until it shifted into a Dr. Suess cartoon. Not gonna lie, things got weird here. Really weird. But we remembered the trees. The Lorax… never forget.

We shifted into a game of Famous Last Words next. We learned Paris Hilton’s “not a lazy eye, actually a stroke,” Nic Cage’s “was Travolta the whole time,” Gumby’s “Pokey helped,” and Thomas Jefferson’s “(Something Racist)”.

We wrapped things up with Say It Again. This game showed us a pregnant German love triangle and a group of jealous centaurs. Again the life lessons were non-existent, but at least it was entertaining!

And Scene!

Welcome to another exciting edition of He Said, She Said, the only advice column that leaves more questions than answers. Let’s get crackin’!

“Dear Erin & Ryan,

How do you tell a platonic male friend that you love him without making it weird?”

From Ryan:

Well it really all depends, now doesn’t it? Are you a man or a woman? If you are a woman, it’s a pretty cut and dry situation. The main issue tends to be that the friendship being maintained is more important than seeking something romantic. However it is possible as long as you take your time. While your feelings might be overwhelming, you don’t want to bombard your friend with them. Taking something to the next level is fine when you go one step at a time. Start with casual get-togethers and work your way from there. It’s a huge leap from friends to love, so find those levels in between to guide you.

Who am I kidding? This is a dude asking this, isn’t it? Wonderful. Alright, sir, so you want to go from bro to lover, eh? First let me start by saying that there is nothing wrong with this. You should be who you are and I commend you for claiming your identity in open society. Let the flag of you wave proud. However, you are going to have an uphill climb if your significant bro doesn’t see you as a liaison of passion, not to mention if he thinks your beard will tickle while necking.

No matter how cautious you are in approaching your artificially-bronzed comrade, things could very much get awkward. The key in this situation is that you will need to seriously leave your comfort zone, as in “update your passport” leave. You need to consider venturing into areas so unmentionable that society might respond in a crescendo with a unified face-palm. Legal, of course, but chimp-on-a-blimp bonkers. For instance, burst into your bro’s dorm room wearing nothing but a neon g-string, gyrating as if a small bronco was trying to throw you into the air, screaming “Yo, yo, I love my bro” over and over again. Or perhaps you fill his car with cartons of milk and leave a picture of you in a kitten costume on the windshield, marked with the phrase “Won’t you give this kitten a home?” If your imagination runs free, the possibilities are endless.

The fact is, no matter what, it’s going to get weird. So you might as well go all out.

And I love you too, Jamie Dufault.

From Erin:

Now, when you say “love” I am going to assume you mean “want to make out with” because telling a friend that you are in love with them is ill advised. Have you ever seen that show “Friendzone” on MTV? It is one of the most horrific displays of humiliation and despair. And this from the same channel that created Jersey Shore…

But I digress.

Ladies, please follow the following handy checklists when trying to get all up on that dude:

1. Moderate cleavage. MODERATE. Think somewhere right in between church cleavage and pasties. Under no circumstances are turtlenecks or exposed nipples an option.

2. Check your pulse. Do you have one? Good enough.

This is the extent of my knowledge. If you’re trying to get me to tell you how to get into a relationship you have come to the wrong girl. Seriously, it’s like looking at directions from IKEA. Maybe I need to be more lady like? Whatever, I’ll get to it after I level up again in Skyrim.

Dear Erin & Ryan,

I am in love with Jacob Black, but I am a vampire, and he is a werewolf. Can we make a relationship work?”

From Erin:

Young, supernatural love can be a tricky but beautiful thing. You are undead, he smells of wet dog every time it rains, but there are distinct possibilities here. For example, the two of you will have bonding experiences other couples can only dream of, like discarding a body together. One of you paired with a normal human might lead to difficulties with regard to quality time, but let’s face it; you both know you’re best suited for the nightlife. Provided you can both convince your friends and family to avoid any silver plated wedding gift the two of you can look forward to decades of marital bliss.
This would be my advice to any run of the mill supes looking for love. However, I don’t think you fall in to this category. You sparkle. This is ridiculous. BUT if I am correct in my analysis of the question, you are implying a love between Edward Cullen and Jacob Black. So I can only assume your real question is something more like, “can you please write me some hot dude on dude Twilight fanfic?” The answer is, sadly (or luckily) not. I do not believe that we here at Bring Your Own Improv carry the kind of legal coverage to thwart the Stephanie Meyer machine.

Let’s talk for a moment however about something I don’t understand about the Twilight series. No, not “the entire thing”… I happen to have the soul of a 13 year old girl and I read them all, so shut it. What I want to point out specifically is how through all the books Jacob was totally balls about Bella and hated Edward and we come to understand at the end that it is because he is destined to imprint on her un-born baby. (Yeah, really.) My question is, if he was in love with Bella because of her eggs, shouldn’t he have been equally enamored of Edward’s junk? Now THERE is some stellar fanfic.

Word.

From Ryan:

Congratulations, Erin. Once again you completely ignore the root of the problem. But hey, at least you’re a consistent little turd. Now run along and read some more of your fantasy smut.

I don’t know if this is “Bella” or “Edward”, but let’s put this in perspective: how the hell are you going to achieve something like love? Seriously? You’re a vampire that sparkles in daylight. You are not intimidating let alone a true vampire. Real vampires stay asleep during the day so they can spend their whole night biting into victims for their blood. They take innocent nubile women and change them into fanged temptresses that suddenly have employment in a local brothel. But you? You look like you took a sponge-bath in glitter, which we all know is the herpes of the arts and crafts world.

Why do I berate you so? Well, for one thing it makes me feel great. But more importantly, it is to make you realize that you should have no self-respect. Clearly you made some deal with the occult to make your way into the psyche of popular culture, when really those putrid piles of week-old meat disguised as books should be gathering dust near the Harlequin novels. How can you hope to love someone else or gain their love when you really shouldn’t love who you are? Sorry, but it ain’t happening. And no army of screaming fan-girls will change that. Fix yourself first before ruining someone else’s life.

And for your information, Jacob is a shapeshifter, not a werewolf.

It was a great night for improv after the football game, with Krissy, Erin, Ryan, Erich, Paul and Evan. Krissy started off with RESPECT, before Chris was picked as the FAM.

Chris was new to BYOI, and I hope she’ll come back. She used to work at a store, and she’s currently taking classes to become a physical therapist. She loves the Fourth of July because of her family’s barbeque. Her brother Kevin likes to set off fireworks. If Chris were a superhero, she’d actually be a supervillian so she could shoot lasers froom her eyes at her former boss. She had an awesome Christmas gift a few months ago: tickets to Florida to go to Disney World.

Paul and Chris hosted FAM Greatest Hits, with some awesome songs. The guys sang the bluesy “Why Do I Set My Alarm Clock” and Krissy joined Ryan for “Glide Over My Teeth.” My favorite was Erin’s “Pew Pew (Lasers From My Eyes).”

Erin warmed everyone up with the saddest wave ever, before making it exciting.

Audience member Chris (not the FAM) joined the cast for Try That On For Size. He did a good job, but Ryan did a better one. Some highlights were: playing ping pong alone, trying to park an airplane, invading personal space and having a dance competition.

Chis and audience member David were the hands for Krissy and Erich in Helping Hands. They went cereal shopping, and it seemed like a really fun trip.

Ryan was late for work in Excuses Excuses. Thankfully, Evan believed that Ryan’s car broke down and the sun disappeared from the sky. He was a little skeptical about a bear attack, but eventually was okay.

Erich was a director in Remake. Paul and Erin were in a western about calling out of work. Paul was going to get shot because Erin knew he’d call out in 3 hours. Unfortunately, Erich wasn’t a fan, so he redid everything with Ryan and Evan in the scifi version. Later, the two films were combined to make a scifi western where Erin wanted to shoot everyone.

After the break, Erin and Ryan were honeymooning in Alberta for Yes And…

In Revolver, Erich was the worst dog ever for his trainer, Krissy. Evan was being audited because he tried claiming strawberry milk from the fourth grade, and Paul really liked Flag Day.

In Party Quirks, Evan had a party. He hosted a computer (Erin), Ronald McDonald (Ryan) and a guy who blew his nose at the word “the” (Chris).

Paul hosted Slogans, which featured the following: Mice, the other rats. Doctor’s offices, the best four hours of my day! and Riding the bus, because not enough crazy people are at the DMV.

In Follow That Action, Krissy and Ryan flirted at the lauromat. It went crazy from there, following change, bullets, and a car, before somehow ending up with a brid with broken wings and a husband and wife who look alike.

The final game of the night was Guidance Counselor. Erin offered solutions–in song–to her students. Evan’s friend kept eatching his snacks, Krissy had laser eyes, and Ryan’s best friend was a Furby.

And scene!

Welcome to the first edition of He Said, She Said with Erin & Ryan. Today, our advice columnists tackle some matters of the heart and hopefully not each other. Let’s get started!

“Dear Erin & Ryan,

How do you know you’re in love?”

From Erin:

Ah, Love.

I believe it was best summed up by the prolific Phil Collins who said “when I’m feeling blue all I have to do is take a look at you then I’m not so blue.” How true, Mr. Collins. How true.

You see, starry-eyed advice seeker, “love” is more than fluffy bunnies and fireworks.  Science has taught us that being in love is caused by increases in dopamine, serotonin and other brain chemicals that are also affected by your run of the mill amphetamines. Hooray!

But, you want to know how you can tell if YOU are in love. Simple. Close your eyes and picture the object of your potential love. Are you grinning like a jackass? Yes?

Okay, now picture them doing something horrible. Maybe he or she reaches down and smashes an ice cream cone into your grandmother’s face.  Still grinning? That’s love.

I’m swinging blindly here, I must admit. I can’t pretend to know anything about these fond emotions like love or joy. I am not familiar with their inner workings and deepest darkest secrets. However, I am familiar with acclaimed artist Lisa Frank, whose work no doubt swells up directly from the fount of love itself.  Her doe eyed drawings reach down into the soul and stir the sparkle encrusted butterflies inside me like the highest grade Benzedrine.  I can only assume that basically, if you aren’t puking up rainbows, you aren’t truly in love.

From Ryan:

Are you kidding me, Erin? It’s very obvious that you wouldn’t know love if it was an obnoxious pair of parachute pants that you wore every day because they made you feel “too legit to quit”.

And what’s with all of this “close your eyes and pretend” crap? Are you a Muppet that’s going to teach my ABCs next? But even if I were to concede to this notion, if any woman harmed my Nana, they would be finishing their ice cream in the electric chair. No question about it. There could have been sharp chocolate chips in their cone. More importantly (although nothing is really more important than Nana), you are suggesting that love is either completely aesthetic, or that the biology is caused by these aesthetics. WHAT IF YOU’RE BLIND, NIMROD?! Congratulations, advice columnist. You just ignored a plethora of people that deserve love just as much. Cheers.

No, my friend, what The Hunchback of Notre Lame just said is wrong and is not love. It is not simply just a chemical reaction makes you feel like some rainbow repository. I find that love is just as spiritual as it is emotional. Not necessarily spiritual in the religious sense, but spiritual in the sense of your inner being. When you meet someone and love begins to blossom, you don’t just think of them every waking hour. Some of this time is in fact reflective. You allow yourself to look inside and evaluate, because when you really love someone, you are truly willing to better yourself. Love is as much introverted as it is extroverted. The one you love will open up new realizations as well as warm the cockles of your heart. And as a great man once said, “Oh great, nothing like hot cockles!”

“Dear Erin & Ryan,

How should you act when you’ve slept with your blog host who you currently hate?”

From Ryan:

I’m not sure what you mean by that. Blog host? Did you think I slept WordPress? You realize it isn’t possible to sleep with a website, right?

Although, I do think I know what you are implying in this situation, and let me just say that I think you are one sick individual. Have you seen our shows? Do you see the way Erin and I work together? The brimming hatred? I’d have better luck wooing a rabid bear.

Let’s analyze this further: you’ve put your differences aside and you are willing to work on a blog with this conglomerate of bitterness and venom disguised as a rational person. How do you start? Well, first you’ll need to muddle through all of her crap ideas and make sure the right ones, meaning your ideas, are the only ones being used. But try and be a little gentle about it. After all, you are working together. Statements like, “Right, very funny. Now let’s seriously think about this project.” That will make it sound like you have your priorities in order for the sake of the blog, but you still get that jab in. It also sounds naïve enough to make her think that you weren’t intentionally insulting the troll. But we both know better.

Once you get through the preliminaries, you then have to start posting entries in the blog. Now this is going to be a lot of work, specifically for you. Why? Well, you’re going to have to proofread everything, especially her entries. There is no doubt that they will be filled with horrible grammar, spelling errors, and overall just crap trying to pass for something worth posting. Remember, people are going to read this. Do you really want that jumble of letters (and probably some unnecessary numbers) associated with the brilliance of your insight? Of course not.

Now if we consider what is on our plate already, not only do we not have time for any sort of foreplay, but do we really want to copulate with this fanatical, crazed lunatic who has done nothing but made your job more difficult?

So as a direct answer to your question, how do you handle sleeping with your co-blogger that you hate, it’s simple: it will never happen if you just focus on the task at hand.

From Erin:

Oh god. I’m puking up rainbows.