Archive for September, 2009

BYOI Welcome New Cast Members

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Over the past few weeks, Bring Your Own Improv hosted auditioners in the show as part of their callback process.  The talent has been amazing and the laughs were many, however only two out of the six could be chosen to make the cast.  We would like to welcome and congratulate, Ken Breese and Daniel Wood to the BYOI family!  Come see both their first shows with us next week!

9/25 – Tom’s Recap

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Welcome to the BYOI Blog for Friday night’s show!
As always, if you don’t get the jokes, it means you weren’t here.
Tonight show’s highlights include, but are not limited to….

Yes and that’s how it’s done! – “I told you not to bring daggers to work”

Inspiring Minds – “Fire Department runs over man who called for help”, “Terrorist buying supplies at beauty shops”, “New Reality TV show… actually kidnapping?!?!”

Audience warm-up – “guess who” with audience – “does this person have boobs?”

What are you doing? – “I’m seeing how many angry cats I can get into this sack”, “making out like a bandit”, “making a list of everything Andrew did wrong on the date last night”, “asking inappropriate questions of random people”

Sit, stand, or lie down – Lemon-Aide stand, “What are the chances of getting another chicken to pay with an egg”, “I could sue you if you had any money”, “I’m gonna sit here and hold your legs”
Text me in a while, I’m gonna go do something – “Elephantine, sort of”, “You’re not gonna cry again are you Andrew”, “no more garbage angles in the house”, “This is my loft”, “Come on Dad”, “I slept with his mother too”

The dating game – BYE JIMMY! – Talks like Scooby Doo, Pac-Man chasing ghosts, and Afraid of own shadow… “No lights… I don’t like light”, “I would-a-be-a-cherry”, “Rut-row”, “She’s watching me”, “but then there is only one more maze”, “Stay one size… STAY ONE SIZE!!!”, “the other me has no face”, “She moves with meeeeeeeeeee”
Zombie Elmo – Princess Leia – Knocked up – Thinks everything is too soon…. “Orange, probably”, “you’re not contestant 3”, “I would have to make sure you’re not my brother”, “I like getting head twice”, “like people… I like the taste of those too”, “Are you Dane Cook?”, “ I don’t have a leather face”, “Two Swoons and Two Spoons”

Intermission time… And we’re back for more of BYOI… Are you as psyched as I am?

Freeze tag!!! – DIG – “loaded with shit, it works very well”, “it’s my monkey”, “Frank Santos I want my money back cause you can’t hypnotize me”, “you’re totally sure this is all the eye shadow you have”, “usually it’s wrong to hunt humans”, “I don’t wanna die”, “This freeze sucks”, “why did you taze me, I didn’t do anything”, “Dude, that guy just tripped”, “Only one not frozen is Han Solo”, “you go ahead and groom his back hair”, “Stop talking about my mother”, “Yertle”, “enough Wii skiing”

Lines from a hat – What is your name… Jim?… Jeff…. Close enough.
Nickels and The Zoo – “I think you can control my mind”, “just do what I would, and have fun”, “he flippered and fluked”, “slow moving squirrels make me sad”, “it’s more then meets the eye”, “hey monkeys go fuck yourself with this change”, “putting-on-the-ritz”, “butter on bald monkey”, “whale grabbin and grinding”, “mine are real and not anymore you don’t”, “Nickels and Dimes… A Monkey Story”
Parole officer and convict… and shoe thief… “Hey mother-fucker bring out the gimp”, “it’s a snarking barrage”, “How cheesy do you want it”, “let’s shoot for something low”, “That’s captain chunk”, “Love it when a plan comes together”, “ Don’t sing again in my office”, “Steve, I want them alive”

Famous Last Words – “I want Jeff Goldblume to play me”, “Neuman”, “Suddenly swimming with no legs sounds like a good idea”, “we each have a fork, and there are two outlets”

BYOI – Monday morning at The Met! 9/21/09

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A really early show for BYOI yields great results.  We could not think, we were too tired to.  A private show for Providence’s “The Met” high school at 9:00am, and it was a blast!  The cast was John, Adam and myself, the jokes were on target and we had a awesome time working with the kids too.  Great feedback from the school and the students.  If you would like us to come to your school, business or private party, just book us in the booking section today!

09/18/09 Recap

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Don’t feel bad if you don’t get the jokes here… Cause if you don’t get them, you weren’t here with us.

Yes and that’s how it’s done – Welcome to your first day on the job, this is Simba… I didn’t bring a chair…

Inspiring Minds – In Ohio… Car stolen in car accident… CA… 3000 golf balls in a national park…. SC Midnight swamp gator hunting with a crossbow.

Audience warm up— interruption wave… can it really work?

What are you doing? Running in place, blacking out, cause it feels good, chased with flip-flops, spelunking, 42, getting lost in your eyes, and Donner Party with finger puppets.

Alphabet Game – Topic you might ask? Cheese starting with the letter C, “Very confusing this is”… Quit my Job with the letter E, “Zebra’s are black with white stripes”, Candle going out with the letter Z, “Very interesting… used already tonight” Pants in public with the letter A… “Now I feel like the Ass” Peeing with the letter P, “Everybody tries to pee in this thing”

Good Cop, Bad Cop… Mary-Kate and Ashley stole a Koala in a parking garage… “It was the sting ray not me”, “No Fanta for you”, “I won’t smoke it”, “They were so special they gave 200%”, “Snarking Barrage” Just lock me up already”


And we’re back for round #2

FREEZE TAG!!! “How do you play this Russian Roulette game”, “don’t make me pull it out”, “I got new breath coming in the mail”, “nobody expected the Monopoly guy”, “is anyone still using her?”

Six Pack –
“sorry, hippopotamus, infection” – “it’s the first thing you do after you put on the glove”, “can I have a foam mustache”, “Cause that is the way Darwin explained it”, “wow online dating really is for douche-bags”
“, Azteka and, Eggplant” – “Lets just talk about what just back at the hotel room”, “They actually taste like human flesh”, “pyramids out of pillows”, “If the Donner party gets stuck again”, “It’s a waste of ebay”, “who brings a mummy”, “It’s finger lickin’ good”, “I. O. U.”, “I’m not gagging”, “I wet myself”

Say it again – Stranded at Mom’s “Trouble with my feelings”, “I’m pretty sure he’s killing people”, “I know how to make koala”

Famous last words – of Aquaman, Shirley Temple, Big Bird, Gary Coleman, Morton Salt Girl, Tarzan, Mr. T, and Clint Eastwood.

Get it?  If not you missed it!  Come see what all the inside jokes were about.

Laurelin’s Recap – 9/16/09 – Seven days later.

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Apparently they weren’t kidding. This haha stuff happens every week. Seriously. And so I mean, really folks, with something that reliable, you have no excuse to miss it any more.

Featuring: Adam K, Jackie (our weekly auditioner, taking BYO…at face value and bringing her own audience. Props.), Jon A., Jimmy S. and John R.

Yes, and … Height! Bring it! Escalate! Woo!

Inspiring minds from under the sea: altruistic dolphins, gay penguins, and romancing sharks! Oh, my!

What Are You Doing?: Hmpht … hmm … hmpht … ooh! @ChuckieDick …

Alphabet: Rhubarb smoothies … Usually they cry after the date … Dead Unicorn Porn, it’s all about the one horn. Woah. And, a very entertaining search for the holy grail of Alphabet … the One Minute Alphabet! Ah well, maybe next week.

God Cop/Bad Cop: The award for most reluctant confession ever goes to Mr. Indubitable for his Jello assault at the China Buffet along side Carrot Top. And, let’s hear it for alliteration. Mmmmm.


Freeze Tag: Who would have thought that the homosexual penguins would have made a reappearance? Seriously. “Now, let me get this straight, you got your Siamese twin pregnant?” “Which one is David Blaine?” “I makea tomato wine!” “Oh! You guys are Italian!” “Oompa, stay there!” ”I met your wife, she pisses easily.”

Six Pack: ”We don’t use words like ‘retarded’ in the Actual Bar”, “Can I quit? I think I’m gonna quit. Cheese does not belong in glass jars, only aluminum!”, “We take clams”, “They’re novelty clams!”, “People need to dip their grapes in something. Okay, by grapes, I meant testicles.”, “’It won’t run!’ ‘Of course. It’ll drive.’”

Famous Last Words:

  • “Et tu, Goof-ay?”-Mickey Mouse
  • “I swear, I’m not a terrorist, I’ll put the statue of liberty back!” -David Copperfield
  • “So if we get more specific, do we get more money?” –General Motors
  • “We’re cancelled!” – A Pilot
  • And, yes, there were Patrick Swayze jokes, but too soon, man, too soon.

And so, yet another Wednesday has passed with some prime funnyhaha. If you missed it, well, you know when it’s happening again. And as a bonus, this stuff will start to make sense! Yet again, woo!

BYOI at the Boston Improv Festival!

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Last nights show was a hoot at the Boston Improv Festival!  We were on at 8:30pm with another awesome group from RI – Unexpected Company.  They went up first with a hilarious set reminding all of why we hate high school… especially the prom.

BYOI went next with John, Beth, Adam, Jimmy and Myself.  In our first game, revolver Jimmy’s scene partner learned to make sweaters with a V-Neck so he can breathe and Adam fired Jimmy for not helping his business grow.  Then in Chainsaw a Astronaut in a chewing gum factory with a Flowbee… (REALLY!) became a Special Olympian in a drug den with an electric razor.  Finally we played Freeze It Again with some of the members of the coolest group on Martha’s Vineyard, the Impers.  It was a sweet show that you should have seen!

Tom’s B.Y.O.I. Blog – 09/11/09

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Lots of the familiar faces of great improv’ers walking through the door. Tonight was a great show inspired by “illegal to chase pigeons, ABC gum, and whispering the truth in churches is bad”… apparently.

What are you doing?

  • “FINISH HIM!!!”
  • “…he’s lying.”


  • “Is my skoliocious showing?”
  • “Do you have any children? How many do you need?”
  •  “Why do I always bring up the past, past, past?”

 Party Quirks.

  • “I’m no stranger, I’ve been under your bed since you were six.”
  • “Ohhh, I was like warehouse…”
  • “I don’t understand, I just gave you … you! Wow, she really is a ghost, she just walked through a wall.”
  • “Impreg-in-ator? I am your inseam-in-ator.”


  • Brunch at Red Robin.
  • Moon landing was a hoax.
  • I thought you wanted two dogs.
  • “I think I’m in slow motion. I think I just did too much acid.”
  • “Alright bitch, walk like an Egyptian!” 

Say It Again:

  • “Pirate and a ninja, you must have been sitting on that all night.”
  • “In a bird outfit, I’ll lay anything.”
  • “Get off me Bill!!!”

Come see us again!

Recap of 999

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Wednesday September 9 in the year 2009. Or 9909. Which could be 999. Which might make certain superstitious hand walkers flip their shit. Or, you know. Something.

A Good Floor for it. I mean Night. Crap. A Good … whatever. Funny Haha time courtesy of BYOI at the Spot, where there are new, shiny(ish) floors. Rock it.

Featuring … John R, Adam K, (a very enthusiastic) Jimmy S, Jon A and auditioner Dan Wood. Woot!

Yes and … Details – Rainbow pine-sol scented futons are gonna be huge, you heard it here first!

Inspiring Minds – DWD in ME, Scots love to drink, AND … remember, people, works better than grand larceny for romantic encounters. Trust us.

What Are you doing?

  • Woa, that’s a big cat.
  • The one you look at when you’re painting things to focus.
  • The Hiiiaaayyyiiiiiilllllllllsssss …
  • Why are you saying ‘Sham Wow’?


  •  What’s Smoonlight?
  •  Are you doing Shakespeare again?
  • That was casual?
  • Does it put gnomes in my molars?

Party Querks:

  •  Pterodactyl … Sit!
  • Color sniffing + bird men x involuntary (fuc*ing) rewinding = HighLAIRity. Promise.

… lalala intermission.

Freeze Tag:

  •  Go ahead, throw the banana at him.
  • I think my nightstick’s broken.
  • That’s called sexism.
  • The hair’s maternal.
  • Earwax. And … Timmy?
  • And nothing says fun like a slinky off.
  • This is historically inaccurate.
  • And wells? Totally the new pool. Fo’ reals.

Say It Again:

  • Sexually … advantuous?
  • The whole neighborhood knew you had a problem with pants.
  • We could make a house … haven’t you ever been to art?
  •  There would be more notes for this, but this one had a load of sight gags. You really had to be there. Hint hint.

Just gotta say, way to go Jackie for an excellent Homeless Sidekick. Or kicking adjacent person. You know.

Famous Last Words:

  • Dammit you dirty apes!
  • Eat the red one!
  • FLW of Willy Wonka will invariably produce a certain line of humor. Go figure.
  • And, from CSpan: Well, if MTV isn’t going to play music, fuck it. We will.

In-your-endo of the night: Is that ‘cat’ about to eat that ‘snake’? Yeah. That happened.

You want more? Wish these snippets made any sense to you at all? Want to feel included? Come to Friday’s show! It’ll be brilliant! Like the floors, only funnier!

9/2 Show Recapping with Adam Kennedy

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Apparently some perform safe sex on the couch covered in plastic.

Timid conductor kills with fire on top of cliff.

In a world where occupations and locations become objects… HEY!!!

“What kind of a mime says hey?!”

Sasquatch finally finds a date and explains his book on “how to build a house where you shit.”. He was confused for Dick Cheney at one point.

Ben dates only men, little yellow men, with interchangeable heads.

“The best children’s playgrounds are not made out of children!”

Jackie define mouth digestion.

Ben = Best roommate ever

Dan politely says: “Tell Gloria to fuck off!”

BAM! You ought to be there!