Archive for November, 2009

11/27/09 Black Friday Is All About Joe

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112709famWelcome boys and girls to another installment of BYOI! Today is Friday November 27th otherwise known as Black Friday. To kick off Black Friday with a bang todays show is brought to you by… Joe

So what do we know about Joe.

Single, breif relationships, ‘criminal’, highschool friend Mike, can pitch, right handed, best friend Liz, works for GTech, makes lottery equipment, not a cheater, camp alders gate with Liz, hates Greg, has a sister Laura, Princess Bride, guitar hero.

What are you doing – Mowing water, making whoopie, mocking women, marketing witches, marinating weasels

Story, Story, Die – ‘Burnt Toast and Beer Farts’ feed you lots and lots of dwarfs, what I did with that puppet I can’t say, and when I sleep I fart alot, and the other guy,  – I thougth it was a word, I couldn’t poop cause I lost my magnifing glass, punch you in the gutter… Death by… pins, sufficated by large cat, eaten by weasles, decapitated by celing fan, run over by hot air balloon, spontanious combustion,  

Shop Keeper – shovel that sets things on fire, ‘personal massager’ that shoots nails, milkshake made of concrete. I have holes that won’t stop bleeding, I know how these things work – it’s not a Pokemon is it, it makes a portal to he## – is this some sick Spencer Gifts joke, I sucked all my teeth out, it’s tripple thick… it’s quadriple thick… — plasma tv that shows dead people, laptop in braile, time machine that brings you to the begining of the conversation – if this was a giant ‘massager’ I would not be here right now, so you can see my problem with my 12 million 6 year olds, I could have sworn this thing swallowed… that costs more – I think I sold you a waffle maker, so it’s in braile – every time I hit this button… ‘Hi I’m Jim’ AND SCENE


AAAAAnd we’re back for the secon half of  BRING YOUR OWN IMPROV

FREEZE TAG – I built a cage for my ZueZue pet, wow you have a voice over, welcome to this episode of midget beating, Wow there are crab people on the moon,

Helping Hand – Wow it really says typo right there, right there on the nipple, wow this is a choose your own adventure book too, i’m gonna light a cigarette, I just like fire, hand excersizes, I have earwax that I must eat, I molded this cross for you, you broke my yo-yo, that was 100 mexican pesos, it’s in lattin.. domo origato mister roboto, I have a hump and I think I just hurt it.

Say it again – I hate you, would you wear that to he##, conversation is the life blood of my… thigh, throw your hands in the air, oh my god I wish you would give me some drugs, it’s only a weapon if you make it a weapon, it’s more a republican democrat switch, you have to start this thing with quarters, that’s why I sat in the plow, oh get her she’s delicious, they should find ways to stop this car, I’m gonna have to ask you marry me.

Worlds Worst – nursery rhyme, ticket seller, supprise party entrance, happy meal prize, cowboy, football touchdown celebration.


We here at BYOI hope you had a great Black Friday and Thanksgiving. We are truly thankful for our fans for without you there isn’t a show, so Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

November 25th -BYOI Blogging with Mr. Kennedy

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112509famWhat’s up party people? Adam here, keeping it real Blognasty this Thanksgiving Eve. Enjoy yo face off.

Very nice Wednesday turnout, RESPECT is underway and BOOM here’s the cast!

Daniel White, Ken Breese, Jon Audette, and Daniel Wood will be gracing the audience with their talents tonight. Should be nice and strange.

“Yes And Thats How It’s Done” – Ken Breese and Dan Wood teach us to make statements instead of asking questions. Dogs, kablamo!

Jon Audette makes the audience gobble and shout “ugh!.. lines!” for Thanksgiving and Black Friday.

Deborah is our FAMtastic individual this week. Ken is doing the badgering.

Deborah has SEEN JESUS! Art and Track Suits are Turn-offs! Married to a man in the audience named Max. She thinks the West Coast is “Happier”, pff, c’mon, we’re New Englanders. She hates when people are sniffling and sick around her because that’s rude.

What Are You Doing?? – Ken makes an audience member praise Alah with a piece of ham. Jon Audette checks coats at the After-Strip Party, figures.

Story Story Die – Oh my. Jon, Ken, Dan Wood, and myself performed “Jimmy Goes To Boston” in the style of People Magazine, Scorcese, Dr. Sues, and Martha Stewart. Jimmy never made it to Boston. Too much Crack, Dunkin Donuts, Fizzles and Shizzles, and Perverted obstacles.

Shopkeeper – Ken tries to guess Jon Audette’s Coffee Maker that can only produce Tequila. Then, Dan White comes in with a 5-Wheeled Skateboard. I don’t know what the hell Dan Wood had, friggin shmuck at the door distracted me.

Shopkeeper 2 – Dan tries to guess….Nailgun that shoots sparkles, Mustard that makes you chop down trees, Blender that gives you crazy advice. AWESOME.

If I’m spelling shit wrong, there’s no underlining being done and I’m on the sauce. So yeah, Blogtoastic.


Freeze Tag- Deborah Style. Dan Wood gets “Poped” son. A BLT sandwich.. Bruce, Larry, and Tim. We put audience members fingers in our mouths now, yup. Jon Audette can’t catch a beer… but he can catch chips and salsa, Gatorade, and a passed out hooker.

Helping Hands – Strange friendship with terrible touching. 2nd round, strange couple with terrible touching. We should all understand that hands don’t help.

World’s Worst – Prostitute. Teacher. News Anchor. Ninja. Satan. Jesus.

Show Notes from 11/18/09

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Ben here.  Another great show tonight.  The tale of the tape was told on Twitter.  This recap is from that feed, shown here in reverse-chronological order.  Enjoy the show… backwards!

  • And we end with the World’s Worsts. So I’ll end with the World’s worst sign off by saying that isn’t crazy how 140 characters can run ou–
  • News flash: Anti-cat burglers negate cat burglers.
  • Suprise! We’re playing Say it Again–an unscheduled, “improvised” game. Strange concept.
  • In Six Pack, Round 2, we’re talking pand chaps here. Panda chaps!
  • In Six Pack, Round 1, I got to be a bear! A bear in a bad marriage. Tragic.
  • And I just ate half a pizza in less than 10 minutes. Prouda me. In other news, this is the FREEZE of the “off”: wax off…drag off…jerk…
  • He’s Herman Munster, here to promote a new line of under-garments. And Dan is so very confused, but he’s 16’10” on a good day, so…
  • See!? Dan Wood is huuuge! And Jay is cracking iPhone jokes–how meta. 
  • Dan is larger, has a large family and was screwed over by Nick at Nite. Oh, and now he’s in color. But who is Dan? 
  • He’s Frank “Ojos de Azul” Sinatra, back for another tour. Now Adam, Jimmy and audience member Jay Walker “press” Dan.
  • Jimmy’s doing it his way. Beth sees a rat. There’s insinuations of mob connections and sultry, smooth voices. But who is Jimmy?
  • Pizza successfully ordered! 45 minutes to wait, though. That would be so much worse if I wasn’t here. (spoiler: you should be here too!) 
  • “You like tuna, right?” ends the game. Very well done! On to Press Conference. On the press panel: John, Dan, & Beth. Jimmy is guessing. 
  • I accidently used a Mac keyboard shortcut on this PC. The result was not pretty. And I just wanna order a pizza online, dammit!
  • A prompt of “Catwoman’ kicks off the Alphabet Game with John and Jay at the helm. And the wind just let itself in the door. Weird.
  • Now on What are you Doing? Vacuuming up clowns. Auditioning for a big boy band. Hitting on all these people. And exclaiming vague-er-ies.
  • 111809famSlow loves song–good grief.. Slow does love song. The ticket taker is ordering a pizza.
  • Facts about Alyssa. Went to school for biz. Likes to sing. Slow loves song. Not interested in Dan. Not even for a drink. BF w/nerd Tiff.
  • ALYSSA is our Featured Audience Member. Dan Wood is now Baba Wawa. Say it out loud. Saaay it… (shaking fist…)
  •  John, Dan Wood, Beth, Adam & Jimmy take the stage. Beth & Dan demonstrate how it’s done with Grandma. She might be old–and now she’s hurt.And we are gathering quite an audience… Ben here to live-tweet this show. Good audience in the house tonight, especially for a Wednesday.

BYOI had a hot show in the Firehouse!!!

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111409famThe folks at the Firehouse Theater are sensational hosts and we had a great second show there tonight!  And this nights show was all about Carl!  He loves being on vacation in Newport, works at an HVAC company and hates his dog Princess.

The night started off with a Chainsaw that killed our entire cast.  It seems it was a librarian in a slaughter house with a tuba… go figure!

We moved on to Typewriter where one children’s book about a Portuguese Potato Princess and the beast.  It was a tale of love, proposals, villains and a fish!

After the break we played a rousing game of post it where Jimmy was labeled a Nanny.

In Good Cop Bad Cop, Harrison Ford steals trucks from tree houses with nerds.

We ended with Six Pack with only one thing to ask… Since when did rainbow fros and honking pasties become sexy?

Thanks to all of our volunteers and of course to the Firehouse Theater in Newport!  We look forward to coming back again!

11/13/09 Friday the Thirteenth is all about Abby Johnson

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111309famTonight’s show is all a bout Abby Johnson…  She’s gabby, likes Elf, white noise, 26 year old mother of a 3 year old, who doesn’t cry but likes to microwave and heat things up, but acts like she’s 40. She misses her innocence, likes the beach with Adam and the Army and the S%*# Show movie.

What are you doing? – trying to make sherbert happen, throwing snowballs at break neck speeds, expressing all my faces, not going to cry at this movie, trying to walk on Abby’s road, trying to read her poker face, searching for the meaning of life in my alphabets, overcompensating, being a microwave for all my friends.

Comentator – Making the bed – no one told him they shrank his favorite sheet, he pulls a shining with Jack Nickleson, that looks like a pepper mill, Paul Bunion inseminating his OX, Invisable down comforter

round 2 of comentator – putting up curtains – sewed his tongue to his finger, set himself on fire, he has been pantsed, before I hung curtains I hung people

marrage councelor – belly button lint collector, kills underwater, can’t make a pizza together – we just can’t shower together, it cleans up messes, that would be wet, killing sea creatures, it was a sausage fest, I have no idea what you’re talking about, pizza for Sweeny Todd

Revolver – Silence – Stupid Head – Smack – Little Helper, That’s your underwear, I wanna keep her always, that would explain the beard, first you invite me to your surgery, that ring finger needs to go somewhere else, it’s filled with muffins and lint, OH MY GOD that feels FANTASTIC

Freeze Tag – why did you buy so much instant mashed potato, Kiss the jello on the forehead, doll house protestors, this is how we microwave people, Jimmy got the sit and spin wrong again, you damn dirty apes, you need razor guns

Lines from a hat – Medussa is my mother, life is a playground, Sasquash, milk… eyelash…, my cats breath smells like dog food mall, gotta cleft lip, cat food vending machine, she blinded me with library science, the plattapus is behind you, my two god-dads, look at the dancing baby, if you like it you should have him… and put a ring on, where ever you are there you are, In my alphabet I see U and I together, I drank your milkshake.

__________ walks into a bar – coffee – calculator – pencil – mime – model – scuba instructor – Jesus – airline pilot – alien – turkey – pumpkin – pilgrim



A BYOI Wednesday in November …

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111109fam… brings some fine improv to the tune of cranking heaters. In the interest of public safety (or, well, comfort), we strongly recommend you now apply a facial moisturizer pre-show to avoid those pesky laughter cracks in this dry, dry interior atmosphere. You’re welcome.

And now for highlights from tonight’s (toasty) show:

Yes, and … don’t be boring. Interesting is funny. Movement is interesting. Therefore, movement is funny. Move.

Tonight, warm-up tought us that tall is scary and short is funny. We’re very PC.

And, tonight’s show is all about … MIKE. We all wanna be like Mike. Mike McDonald. Hey. (and, we must give props to Adam for a delightful interfull).

WAYD … Wrestling Charlie Rose, a hot sauce fight with Josh Duhamel … you’d think we were just making this all up as we go along.

SC … Cake batter sandwich? Really? That could be great. And the things you can say about Norwegian Interferance on late night ESPN, I tell you. Pretty sweet. Too bad Mr. Madden is no longer around to say it.

MC … Oh, the horror! Green beans! We got problems. At least cannibals don’t eat goats, so those crazy kids have a chance.

And, now, a much needed chapstick break …

FT … As Seen on TV – The Ken! Better than a Snuggie! It hugs back! Lines off of Mr. Ed is NOT the same as lines from a hat. The rest of this one you really had to be there for. Let me just say, though, excellent speed racer by Ben.

Ben here, highjacking the keyboard as Laurelin has exploded into a ball of allergies.  Feel better soon, L!  Next up is Lines from a Hat, the hit improv game from the early 19t h century re-enacted in traditional fashion here for the enjoyment of all.  First up, Ken and Joe weigh the consequences of pissing yourself mid wrestling championship.  Apparently it’s not nearly as badas having to change in front of others in the locker-room.  And there goes the first name-drop of “unitard,” quickly followed by “singlet” and “genitals.”  This is gonna be a good show after all.  Now Ken is singing Creed.  Obviously, he sounds better than Creed.  And now we come full circle to “urine scent,”  Great work, guys!

Round Two!  John Audette and Dan Wood take off on the prompt of “Uncle Donni… he’s a doosh.”  Proper mid-17th century spelling there as a doosh was the hook that held the bucket to the rope that went down the well.  Tomatoes are being related to boobs and we’re off to the races.  Just passed four-hundred and twenty words for this entry back there.  Somebody should find the brakes.  Oh dear.  Chocolate-covered peach pits were just compared to… something that John couldn’t make out on the his slip of paper.  Adopted, incest, “I pushed you out and screamed to heaven: you’re a terd!”–this scene is spiraling into control.

Daniel hijacking now…Then a fireman walks into a bar riding a horse dressed in a clown costume and you will never believe what Chris Angel called him!!!

And Scene!!!

Of Frolicking & Firehouses

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Last night Adam Kennedy, Dan Wood, John Ring and myself took Newport by storm. Or at least by small, blustery gale. In any event, there was a show, alright? And it was an absolute blast.

Yes, this was my first away game and I was psyched. We played the Firehouse Theater, which is a theater converted from a, you guessed it, brothel to delight the enlightened, now-unsexed audiences of Newport.

We played our favorite games in an order meticulously conceived three to five minutes prior to curtain. And while there was no curtain, there were plenty of stage lights. It was as bright as heaven and as hot as hell. We were playing for God himself. And his name was Kara. And she was not a he but a “charming/cute/sometimes friendly” gal who “runs down children” with a “lawn mower” all so she can “cat scan” them. True story. Also, “props” to her husband whose name I have inconveniently forgotten but now believe started with the letter J.

We would’ve taken a picture of Kara, Dan, but so help me, it was seriously bright on that stage and Kara was making it even brighter. Here’s what I remember of her face:



The audience overall was warm, energetic, loud and smelly. Just kidding, Newport. You smell great. Except at low tide.

Oh, did I mention friends of the show Joe and Kevin made it all the way down from Providence to play onstage with us? Serious props to them. J-husband, you can share your props, right?

Thanks to our audience (you better hold to your promise and find us again!), to the Bit Players (our hosts for the night) to Kara, J-Hubby, and the Firehouse Theater for a fantastic night!

Wait, how many X’s do you spell unsexed with?

BYOI – 11/6 – Tonight is all about Courtney!

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All About Courtney,

WoonsocketGolden Grams, 3, JJJ, Weiner Dog – Dutchess of Mendon, copier, Taylor Hanson, and the End of the World. It’s the white board of terror.

Hot Seat! – That’s where my only grandfather died, Mmmm Bop, Is this my mirror, We’re gonna have a Twilight marathon, come here often.

Questions – Why can’t I one up you?, Adult toys or small children toys, Aren’t you kinda narrow to be a shield, do you think anyone is going to notice I’m wearing swimmies, how many pieces does a leg have to be in, Usually in front of my computer.

Good cop, bad cop – Sure admit and then bzzzzz, stole the vowels from Wheel of Fortune, The ‘Shat’ and I…, we were at a bris?, in a pool of pudding – isn’t that true officer Giant Johnson, There not Kosher?, I snapped into the slim jim, it was Mr. Kool-Aid, or as we call it in America… El Graveyard.

Intermission Time!…. And We’re BACK!

FREEZE TAG – Trick or Treat I picked myself, I will extinct your ass, You’re suppose to spot me, I am here for the monkey spanking, I feel like I am flying sideways, Superman is getting lazy, kryptonite thongs, I think proctologist means I get to touch your nose, OH MY GOD YOU’RE TAYLOR HANSON!

Say it again – Courtney is a DUDE, I thought she was hiding badgers under there, Hi Dad, With these hips, didn’t we tell you that you were concieved in a clown car – it’s worse then when I look in your eyes in the morning, it turns out that all teenage love is fake, are you talking about burning people cause that’s murder, you guys will sparkle like the kids from the book, this is better then Saw V, aw man I forgot to push the button again, We’re here. – Last time we had a dance off you broke a hip, you just showed your jazz hands, I would just prefer that you NOT roll with my mother, I stamined her pollen, I’m swimming out to rescue you, boom boom bam, I forgot I am 75 and should not be doing this.

______ walks into a bar – Cerial – ‘this bar is full of nuts and flackes’, ‘there’s a small toy inside me’ – Dog ‘who’s that hot dog’, ‘hey I’m looking for my god’, ‘that lady was a tramp’ – Royalty ‘yea it was a queen’, ‘this is Sparta’, ‘queens always take prawns’ – World ‘She ain’t flat’, ‘gotta teach the world to sing’, ‘your powers combinded you are old enough to drink’, ‘it’s a small world after all’, ‘Jimmy eat world?’

Yes, and that’s how it’s done!

If you were here I hope you had as much fun as I did… If not, well I guess we’ll see you next time at BYOI!


Wednesday’s Magical Mystery Show …

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100409sais all about Eileen. Aaaalllllll about Eileen. Woo Eileen! Thanks for humoring us as we humor the audience. And now, without further ado … The Eileen Show! 

Yes, and … Endowment. It’s important.

Warming up …. the silence is telling. That silence. Never could keep a secret.

HS … Flat rabbits, under-aged drinking, Polanski’s (rather slow) bid for freedom, and a sad case of Mime Intollerance. Whew. That seat’s too hot for me. 

Q? … ‘No, I meant breasts’. It’s not a question, but at least it’s honest. How many goldfish would a goldfish …wha? And an excellent example of a pity unelimination. Altruism at its finest, Ben. Do you know Eileen? A truly brilliant ensamble effort here, folks. Woo.

GCBC … Jay Walking with Stephen Hawkings … (tee hee). Just a reminder to Ben, the show is about EILEEN. Eileen, Ben. Not you. Oh, gawsh dang, you talkin’ about mattress tags? In elevators? With that big, purple dude? What these senior citizens are coming to these days, I tell you.

Pee break! We give you those. Funny AND considerate. The whole package.

FT … Don’t be such a Trisha! ‘To be honest, me and my giant sign did not see that coming.’ And, really, I’ve never been so glad for a freeze. Ever.

SIA … So how do you play this? With plenty of holiday spirit, that’s how. Points to Adam for the scene killer. Way to go, man.

BWIAB … Only mildly censored. Or, moderately. Okay, fine. Thanks, Jon. Tune in next week and find out what really happens during this one!

Thanks so much to Eileen for being a great sport, and see you all next week. And just remember, next time … it could be you!