Hey y’all! It’s your old pal Castmember Ken, here with tonight’s blog. I have never blogged before. Be prepared for some rookie mistakes, like subjects tossed about without predicates, non-linear plot points and gross overuse of the ellipsis…woops.
Tonight, we have drawn some political ire because of our decision to pre-empt the State of the Union address, but we are plowing on! Tonight’s cast: Jon A., John R., Beth, and the Gold Dust Twins of Leicester, Adam & Dan. Daniel Lee White, our fearless producer, whom I refer to as DLW because we’re so tight, is also in the house.
Cool crowd tonight so far…a couple of dates. Hope this show gets someone laid!
Table scene: Dan is inappro regarding his marriage to Beth! It was all about stage presence. Face forward, speak loudly and clearly and Yes And’ing…the holy trinity of stage presence.
Tonight’s FAM(Featured Audience Member) is: Danielle!
-From Smithfield! (Half Greenville, Half Esmond)
-Has not heard of the Animal Cage! (Jon A. is also from Smithfield)
-Had puppies - Cody Cuddles and Buddy Bumpkins! (not birthed)
-Has a hayfever allergy…but, is unsure if she’s ever been to a farm. (She’s hiding something)
-Rocky Point ride fav: The Rollercoaster
-For fun she goes to improv shows and amusement parks
-Is ashamed of nothing!
-She is an actress and former child gymnast.
-Her favorite thing to eat is Pizza, esp. Pepperoni and Black Olives. Papa John’s is her favorite joint.
Time for a warm up with Johnny Ringo: Pass the Sound! Everyone’s getting in on the act. These people are doing an awesome Joey Lawrence impression, one woh at a time. Then they all puked. Which was my general reaction to Joey Lawrence when he was a part of my life.
Freeze Tag, hosted by Oscar Van P. aka Dan Wood: Hayfever is our opening inspiration. Digeridoo Idol - Sh*t gets brutal. Dan the Friendly Martian. Adam as a 6 yr old sure does swear a lot. Was that even the right tense for that sentence? Rocky Point, a place people from Worcester have never heard of before apparently. John Ring has a huge Harpoon. Robotic Arm Pissing Contests rule. Beth is unfit for adoption because of her budding alcoholism. Dan plays with erection sets, which makes a lot of sense. Jon A. is selling Bad Brains(not the punk band).
Alphabet, hosted by Ringo John Starr: Jon A. and Wood-man to start, starting with E, and an input of gymnast. They start by criticizing critics, hypocrites!!! Dan is such a vixen, he makes Jon forget the alphabet sometimes. That is hot!!! Dan and Jon go out back to back under the gavel of John Ring the Hanging Judge! It’s getting ugly. Adam and Beth start anew. Adam’s family has invented everything…ever. They make it around the Cape of Good Horn and end this round. Cody Cuddles is the input for Dan and our pal Ray T. starring Ray as Cody Cuddles. DLW is rubbing some beard up on some Cody, it’s choice. Ray has outlasted 2 castmembers, Cuddles indeed.
Interrogation Line Up with Officer Adam Kennedy: Danielle has joined the cast to be a lineup participant, as Ray was wrong by society. The gets: Going to the Gym, with Garfield at a Hot Dog Stand. * DLW is a little slow, luckily he has Dan Wood to help him confess he was on the Treads at the Sports Club. Beth is dismissed before she can speak, but, is then called back into the room. Jon A. is a lazy boy, how could he have gone to the gym??? Once again Mr. Wood has gotten the get, and names Garfield as his accomplice. Beth names the Street Meat as the locale and confesses to her crime!
Song Time with Dan and Jon hosting, and Ray joining the cast, Ready to Rock!
Song 1: Leaky Aquarium* Ray bares his soul about lost fish. Adam resurrects fish.
Song 2: Life in the Trunk of your Car, Period(While having your period)* Sounds like a Fiona Apple title, butt, it is the blues. Beth, the only lady on stage, appropriately steps up. She’s gettin’ all political with it. She hates those filibusters.
Song 3: How Many Fish Must a Man Swim Past*Adam and Ray enjoy nonsense when Fish are involved. How many rocks do fit in The Titanic???
Song 4: 50s Xmas Songs about Religious Intolerance anyone? Yes, please. Ramen Noodles make the change in the world that we want to become. Festivus Kwanzaa Menorahs are the Majora!!!
As Wormser and Lamar said in Revenge of the Nerds, “Breaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak.”
We’re back! I may play this half of the show due to the somewhat shy crowd and the fact that, like sex, I can’t just watch without wanting to join in, so, mind the gaps!
Medical Excuses with Dr. Dan Wood. New Game! People giving the doctor an outrageous condition, and the doctor responding with an even more outrageous treatment. Dan Wood’s ass is dropping apples. John Ring is NOT, I repeat, NOT a gymnast. Adam’s 4skin is frozen to his 3skin, ouch! Jon A. can’t stop puking up kittens, but, that is ok!
Chainsaw Time! Adam is hosting, as always Occupation, Location, Object! I am going to play this time!
So a grave digger in a coffee shop with a child, in a very dirty way, became a grave digger in a coffee shop with a coin operated real doll.
Well, this blog has been a blast. I finally popped my blog cherry!
Thanks, Ken! Now back to the games. What’s that you say? You want to see a game based on a Clint Eastwood movie? Well then, you’re in luck. It’s time for The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Advice givers, take it away.
John, Ray and Jon are bringing it!
Issue: How can she get her dog to lose weight?
Good: The dog needs to run 45 laps a day…wait, maybe more. Powerade and a Monster Energy drink, and that dog will be all set. And dead.
Bad: Head down to the Chinese resta…wait a minute. That’s not nice.
Ugly: Apparently, the answer is to let the dog get sexy times. Wha?
Issue: The Democratic Party is punked. Help!
Good: Don’t vote. Thanks, Civics teacher!
Bad: Take drastic action. Camp out in their front yard and make rude gestures.
Ugly: Take a hammer. Beat yourself in the head with it. Then, run as a Democrat, and you’ll get elected. Problem solved!
Issue: Looking for an apartment for June…the month of June, you silly.
Good: Craigslist. Missed connections. Boom. Apartment.
Bad: Follow people home. But only if they look cool. Be nice when you follow them into their apartment.
Ugly: Rent yourself!
It was so nice, we’re doing it twice. Daniel, Marina, and Adam. Bring it, y’all.
Issue: Need a place to go for SPring Break
Good: Charter a plane and go to haiti to rebuild.
Bad: Take your parents’ cc and go to Florida and get wasted!
Ugly: Take a strait jacket, wrap it around yourself, lock yourself in a phone booth, drop it in the water, then get yourself out of it. Set a new record.
Issue: How do I get my 3-year old son to stop wiping poo on the seat?
Good: Go to a store and buy finger paints. Let him be creative in his room.
Bad: Stop letting him in the bathroom while you s(&*.
Ugly: Take a s&^*, smear it on the house, and then what’s he gonna s&^ on? Nothing!
Issue: How do I stop getting harrassed by the man?
Good: Stop grabbing the dude’s junk!
Bad: Harass him back!
Ugly: You take the man, wrap him in a strait jacket, put him in a cell booth and drop him 55km in water and cover him in sh%&!
And the final game was movie critics! It was the tertiary! You should have been here!
And Scene!