Archive for February, 2010

Happy Birthday Johnny Cash!

Featured Audience Members, Show Recap No Comments »

With the remnants of Wednesday’s dirtbike left on the white board we start today’s show with John Ring, Oscar V Pudding esq., Adam Kennedy IV, Dame Beth Hicks, Ken Breese the Brave, and Daniel Lee White the Producer.  Please don’t forget Jon Audette the soon-to-be-non-absent.

Improv Lesson #1736.275: Endowment is good – let someone know a little about themselves.

FAM Memeber:

Jason!

022610fam

From East Providence.  Preferred Middle School since it was more loser-free.  He likes Rock-and-Roll, but who in his life will like Country?  Jason’s Band – Dewey, Craig, __, and Jason.  Very indifferent band, played around with a lot of styles.  Now on to his dating life.  Last Tuesday Jason was hanging out with Sandra, but Jason doesn’t think it was a date.  Missed a stand-up show and decided to play games, hang around, and talked.  Awwww.  Intense moments in life – Getting stuck on the highway bridge with a flat-tire and staying alive.  Embarrassing moments in life – speechless on the stand-up stage.

Thanks for your help Jason.

Hey! Ho! Wee!

Nirvana – “I wanted her phone number and address” ~John;  “I do believe my loins are starting to burn” ~Ken; “I’m the Cheshire Cat!” ~Oscar; “I can hear you thinking” ~Oscar

Tom Hanks missed his flight in a chocolate factory – “Jane Fonda is in trouble?!?” ~ Oscar

Helen Keller got her driver’s license on the Jersey Shore – “What is this the Arsenio Hall Show?”

Lied about date – “If iodine make Rock-and-Roll star, I don’t want to be right” ~Ken

Maine – “I have been a woman since 1986…yeah it’s still 1986” ~Adam; “That’s my boot keeping area, I keep my boot right there” ~Adam

George – “dada dada dada dada dada dada Dah!” ~Beth

Howdy Doody!

2nd Half – “Wow! You are 3D!” ~John; “I am making love to my Lego wife.” ~Jon; “surprise” ~Adam

Sunbathing with Hitler at Chuckie Cheese – “You should have turned the light off” ~Mike{audience}; “Step Back! Cuz Illinois has no ocean!” ~Oscar; “You are not a turtle, Step back!” ~Oscar; “Damn!” ~Josh{audience}

Breakfast in bed with Marilyn Monroe in a toll booth – “What the hell, are you union?” ~John; “I keep a mini-fridge next to my computer, so I have food all the time.” ~Jimmy; “Number 4 has a laptop. Not to tattle.” ~Adam; “I enjoy cinema. Classic Turner Movie. Marilyn Monroe.” ~Ken; “Can I buy a toll booth on Ebay? Cause that would be fantastic.” ~Jimmy

Railroad Conductor – “If you want to catch cheating wife, make sure you tail her” ~Ken

“Lipstick in the Bush” – “Oh look, a bush(Bush)” ~Jason{audience}; “Maybe that means I’m bleeding and they’ll think I’m already Mother-F**king dead”

“Car Accident by Judo” – “We speak like Governors of Cali-fornia” ~Beth; “[vrrrrrrr, bang]” ~Oscar; “I shot your hand, sorry” ~John; “Sorry, I have polarized vision sometimes.” ~Ken; “I borrowed a $200,000 check I found in your bathroom sink”~Adam; “Don’t question my bookkeeping methods!” ~Ken

Thanks

Happy Birthday, Steve Jobs!

Featured Audience Members, Show Recap No Comments »

Not only are we celebrating this birthday but we want to observe Thailand’s National Artist Day.  What better place to celebrate beautiful art and the creator Mac than at The Spot and with Ben Clarendon;  you will find great art installations as well as some for sale and a Mac employee {respectively}.

Joining Ben on stage tonight will be Oscar, Adam, Jon, John, and Daniel.

FUNICULAR is the word of the night since it was on the board when John entered to offer some RESPECT

{FUNICULAR is a type of uphill cable train…}

FAM:

022410fam

Steven – Rides dirtbikes with Steve {may be a doppleganger} Other Steve is pretty and mean.  Steven is dating Michelle {former FAM member} they like to go out to bars {and BYOI}.  Pyzz is the bar to go to.  Jumping in the way back machine, Steven played football in high school but not in a jockish way {not jock itch} {{Gross}}.  Jake and Steven caused trouble in Phys Ed.  Steven went winter dirtbiking {snowmobiling} on his last vacation, and it was great since he didn’t crash.  Steven is taking a break from Michelle to go on a date with Garth Brooks…guess what? They are going to a bar.

Our games tonight are: Meanwhile; Timmy In The Well {NEW}; Pillars; Beastie Rap; What Are You Doing?; Interrogation Line-Up; Confucius Says; Remake; and Revolver.

Quotes of the night:

Ben – “It’s a spray that smells like Cheese”; “This is infinitely harder than we rehearsed”; “I’m a human mailman”

Oscar – “Hit me again. Thank You”; “You put the remote in the microwave?!?”

John – “Meanwhile…at the Marceau Marcel mime school”

Adam – “Say man, my fingers been killing me”; “It was scary when my Mexican family shipped me to Peru”

Jimmy – “Just don’t cross the streams man!”

If you are reading this and don’t remember these moments, I wish you could have made it.  Hopefully we will see you at a show in the future.  Thanks.

And Scene!

BYOI is at Jessi’s 13th Birthday Party!

Birthday Party, Featured Audience Members, Private Show, Show Recap 2 Comments »

022110famTonight we did a show and helped Jessi celebrate her 13th birthday with her friends!

Guess who the FAM was??? Jessi!:
She likes dogs, named hers Twilight, would choose metamorphosis as a special power, loves the Beatles, playing with explosive chemicals and loves her friends.

Jimmy warmed us up with opening gifts… Adam only got a smaller box.

Alphabet – One of Jessi’s friends knows a name for a dog breed for every letter of the alphabet!

Chainsaw – Whips turned into lighters?

Greatest Hits – We rapped about Care Bears and Crane Machines, and learned we do not know what slow jazz is.

Lines From a Hat! – You passed! Fail, Epic Fail! No, you passed!

Beastie Rap – Jessi beat her best friend, but fell victim to intimidation from her Dad.

Pavlovian Response – Watch out for the kid kicking her shoe at you!

And… Cake!!!

BYOI – Friday Feb 19 is all about Josh

Featured Audience Members, Show Recap No Comments »

021910famHey we have a great show tonight!!!

Tonight our F. A. M. “is that a 3? is it Lola?” nope it’s Josh – works for a co. that makes micro vibrators, marking/sales and basically tells people how to mount their vibrators, two cats Yasha and Cashous, is from Maine, travels the country, likes Joshua Tree National Park in Co. Cal., is a snow board national coach, fount of knowledge, nickname is Lancaster Peabottom, would be a breakdancing bartender.

Dan warms us up with a rousing game of Guess Who… ‘are they shorter then you? I don’t know how tall I am’

Freeze Tag – you got to rub his nose in it – that is little – no I really am the devil – 1 2 3 arrow – sleepy napkins – you’re right this does smell bad.

Chainsaw – Hat maker, bee hive, and boot became a hat fitter in the jungle with a robotic billy club that comes out of a shoe… Round two… outhouse cleaner, taco bell, door knob that became rail road builder, Willy Wanka factory, and light bulb.

Movie Critic – a girl named Gretchen in, ‘the man sucks’, learns that she is really a boy,  and his mother smoked pot. then it just evolved into a weird S&M scene, BINGO!, I’m getting a contact high, get some tasty chicken on.

Ho-down – Pimpin’, they just walk around limpin’, I can’t rhyme an I don’t have dime, I see that bearded one over there but D**M I ain’t got no money.

Medical Excuses – every time I go to bathroom lightning strikes, I have boobs and I am a man, really which one turns you on, who uses mail?!?

Good Cop, Bad Cop – Mimics people, Ken’s Mom’s house, Bubbles the chimp – what’s his problem what’s his problem what’s his problem, smash, there’s no counter here, I was a copy cat all my life, does it even matter, con-vein-ance for one, I think you guys need to work on your investigation a little more, smash, squeak…. smash, Ben Bomspouce, it’s called adoption, finders keepers, can he dance like his previous owner… he can dance if he wants to… he can leave his friends behind, smash, he’s actually a primate!

_____ walks into a bar – belly button walks into a bar and doesn’t see any women and says ‘I’m outie’, break dancing bartender, snow board coach ‘my life’s going down hill’, ‘where’s the other half of my pipe?’, skate board ‘I’m sick of the grind’, cashew or nut, ‘where’s the guy you were with’

Pavlovian Response – Jimmy’s gonna sing a line of music when ever someone turns around, Bret has to dance when someone asks a question, and Jon has to laugh loudly when he sees someones palm. I like Siamese cats, we had two pumas but one ate the other, and ooooh it died.

AND SCENE!!!

I hope you all had a great time, I know I did!

BYOI – Feb 17th is all about Monika

Featured Audience Members, Show Recap No Comments »

021710famSo the show starts off tonight with a pineapple that quickly changes into Sponge Bob’s wet noodle. Yes, that’s how it’s done!

F.A.M. – Tonight it is all about our guest Monika!  She is here at the show celebrating Joanne’s Birthday, she loves small chairs,  likes eating Coco Pebbles, hates being specific, loves the movie The Hangover, has a big “Tex-A$$”. and wishes she was invisible.  Most importantly she is a fund accountant who has lost $2,000,000 in a day and this does not bother her. Ekk! 😛

Freeze Tag – Filing Lobsters and Mail Clerk Crabs get no respect, “Ohhh a cop!”, and he is too short for the luge.

Chainsaw – A trash man in a swimming pool with a shamwow became a Super Bowl team  inside a good humor box with a washboard.

Movie Critiques – The movie 6 months of days made you watch out for wall strippers and go-gurt explosions.

Hoedown – A song about a hangover leads to not a wife but a skunk.

Intermission

Medical Excuses – “Dock help me, I’m a Luge-er”, “Don’t High Five or Dance”, “I’m a Bob Sled, what have you got?”

Good Cop, Bad Cop – There were just too many candles in a volcano with Elmo.

Blank Walks Into A Bar – “Don’t get involved with a Micro-Wave.”

Pavlovian Response – Fantasy Pets, “Where am I?”

And Scene!

BYOI – Friday 2/12/10

Featured Audience Members, Show Recap No Comments »

021210famTonight we have Daniel, Adam, Jimmy, Oscar, and Ken

F. A. M. –  Ainsley, and what do we need to know about Ansley… Works with Daniel, lives in a house but doesn’t rent it or own it, lives with Grandma, Grandma is Elane, doen’t hang out with people outside of work, doesn’t like “The Pouncer” aka The Fox, homebody, read Twilight, only other vampire she knows of is Count Dracula, likes Sister Act,

SHORT CUTZ – Jimmy and Oscar are doing laundry washing a Catwoman suit, John want’s to know how cool it would be to be able to lick yourself, Adam is trying to turn his head all the way around, Ken is on a stakeout with his lover, Cam cuts to quality time, “are you implying I know what cat tastes like?”

ALPHABET – Adam uses “t’huh” for the letter T and it got by the bell

HELPING HANDS – ‘Dear John’ – is that an anvil?… No… Yea…, Uhhhh do you want some relish on your hot dog?, counting is hard… numbers are evil – Both Beths rocked this scene, John should learn to wear underwear with his “not a kilt”.

BEASTIE RAP – ‘when I’m on a plane I never say BOMB’,

INTERMISSION!!!

HOT SEAT – “ohh no, it’s the man in a kilt!” / “out of the chair you will get.” / Is this where the hermaphrodidic lapdances are being held?

DATING GAME – Deaf Mime, space mountain, and windshield wipers – Jimmy is channeling Rick Moranis, Jimmy really had a hard time with the Deaf Mime…

BACK IN MY DAY – Art, beer, mimes, dates, exits Back in my day we didn’t have exits so I had enter only tattooed on my….

LINES FROM A HAT – “Tina come get your dinner’, like a good neighbor state farm is there, ‘you look like you’re from London, ‘I seem to have soiled my trousers… it says you’re the apple of my eye, I always feel like somebody’s watching me, kool aid style ‘oh yea’, oh my god it’s a giant spider, I got a bag of nose clamps… I don’t care if he is a preist… that does not count as a blessing, who’s your daddy, bears beat battle star galactica, eat my shorts, going to paint your silver pants blue, then who’s pants have I been wearing????

AND SCENE!!!

I hope that everyone who came had a great time, I know I did… and if you weren’t here… well I guess we will see you next time at BYOI!!!

2/5/10 – BYOI’s THE OTHER NINE TO FIVE!!!

Featured Audience Members, Show Recap No Comments »

020510famWe have an AWESOME show tonight!!! 8 hours of Improve excitement!

F.A.M. – Eddie Torres is our FAM for tonight… goes to the bathroom when waking up, loves to come home, has two kids, one is allergic to pepto, works at Amgen, biochemist, ren-fare wedding, wanted to be Batman, Francisco was his enemy, Stuck up ass hound, would be bologna, loves comedy movies, would watch Dark Knight forever, would rather get blown up, knows the meaning of life is 42.

8 PACK – John is licking dishes clean, why did you buy him a dress, you’re already preggo, you got Amgen all wet.

POST IT – Adam gets smacked in the face by Oscar with a noodle. Ken and John are almost speechless. Jumper cables for a escalator? Hello my name is the end. Sponge & Funky Mall. Screw driver, Light Saber, and a Speedo? bricklaying on mushrooms a new competition

PAVLOVIAN RESPONSE – John had to dance like an iPod commercial, Ray had to try and do jumping jacks on a Segway, and Ken had to chase his tail – Cause it’s the library and it’s opposite day

DATING GAME – Beth chose the cheerleader and the spy. John decided to go on a date with the hampster

SIT, STAND, LIE DOWN – You broke my lava lamp, you sit up and then you lie down, I have a seventh peck I thought was a baby – No it’s further up there, OW I did it again, if I’m gonna quit smoking I need a new habit.

GREATEST HITS – makin’ love with a mule in outer space, you know that all the fittin’ rooms… have cameras, freeze dried ice cream in outer space, HO-DOWN

INTERMISSION # 1

WHAT ARE YOU DOING – screaming brains out, cowering in a field of cows, finding Leonard Nemoy, Christmas shopping for husky boy, splitting an Adam.

REVOLVER – Lots of rotating left, and Oscar looks good in those daisy dukes, but Cam disagrees. Beth tells Beth that shooting up is bad. Oscar believes that pepto bismal never expires. Oscar is waiting for the man with the nipple-clamps. Cam likes playing with knobs that when you spin, makes men smile with sparkles. Beth thinks someone stole her necklace. Daisy Duke never wore nipple-clamps, except in Oscar’s fantasies.

CHAINSAW – Neurologist at the Tiki Bar with a xylophone, went all the way to Hairdresser at a bar with raver glow sticks

LINES FROM A HAT – I was going for ‘that’s not all pal’, like my mother always said ‘it’s mine, it’s all mine’, my last instructor always told me ‘I’m the Grinch who stole Christmas’

MARQ TWAIN!!! It was completely awesome… Marq Twain came out on stage in their P.J.’s. They always rock! Tonight we gave them a FULL thirty minutes, I loved ‘You know what makes me sick… besides everything’

FREEZE TAG – Oscar and Jimmy pulled spare lines from a hat out to combine games, Senior prom at an all boys school, I need a lighter Jockey

WORLD’S WORST – Chemist – ‘Double Bubble Toil and Trouble’

INTERMISSION # 2

Story, Story, Die –  Horror, Romance, Spin Magazine, Time Travel, Of Mice and Men, Maxim Magazine, all about Marina, A Smaller Bread Box is smaller than a Bread Box, and Knitting Magazine. Adam takes the win and survives with “A Smaller Bread Box is smaller than a Bread Box”!

Interagation Line-up – Crime, Doing Dishes. Accomplence, Snoopy. Location, Taco Bell. Oscar follows directions a little too well. Jimmy can’t stop step-dancing. Ken’s an old man. Marinna and Beth are “Getto-Fabulous”!

QUICKEST MINUTE – Jimmy and Ray doing a deal with Cam for some “stuff” with finger guns and juggling.
Jon is trying to get John’s wife, Beth, with rhymes of bed, head, and dead.

MOVIE CRITICS – Oscar and Ken are the critics, Ray, Adam, and Jimmy are acting out the drama movie “The Rhythm in my Pants”. no more Ted Dancing!

INTERMISSION #3

SPACE JUMP – Daniel got his tongue froze. Beth won’t pierce Daniel’s tongue. Ken thinks someone’s been bad. Oscar wants them to make him $$$. John won’t let Beth marry anyone else cause they are already married. Beth won’t let anyone elbow the nose in wrestling school. Jimmy hates the horse farm cause all the horses are dieing, while Ken will suck a d*** for a carrot. Adam wants everyone to make a deposit.

HELPING HANDS – Beth is hands for John while Ray is hands for Oscar. “it’s a balloon, now it’s a puppy, now it’s the call-o-see-em.”

REMAKE – Never Ending Story in another language using subtitles. “Thats why I don’t hire non-union actors for my movie gig”

BLANK WALKS INTO THE BAR – insomniac; church-bar bigger; toad-I’m horny, bar flies; disgusting-looks good to somebody.

THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UGLY– Pepto derives from the pink panther. Drive water to the sun to heat it up. No school, socializing, writing, more acid, and byson byson for more sleep.

SAY IT AGAIN – Dinosaurs-we’re not the mama’s. Preschool revolutions. Don’t call me dude. Tight ends in football. “You’re the only wide receiver for me”  Bus station-Smells like Texas. Singing “I’ll take you to Atlantis”  “Eerie how the music changes based on our conversation.” “Cragic?”

MEANWHILE – Range Rover, weight watchers, sea world, PETA, country buffet, on third, in the a**hole, kitchen of buffet, in france, kung pow acadamy, pirate ship, in the water.

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR – Daniel-hair falling out. Ken-too many pairs of pants. Together-hogging covers.

BEASTIE RAP– Ann, Bo, Cindy, Laura, Mikey.

PARTY QUIRKS – General Custard, afraid of jello, and thinks everyone is the Pilsbury Dough Boy.

QUESTIONS – why do you eat everything I put in front of your face? Do I make the money.

And Many, Many More…

Joe & Lauren won free prizes!!!

AND SCENE!!! 14 people made it the whole night and all the way to breakfast! Woot!

Wednesday, 2/3/2010 9-5 Show Tune-down

Featured Audience Members, Show Recap No Comments »

020310famTonight’s cast – Daniel, Beth, Adam, Jimmy, Jon and Oscar VanPudding …….. Sweeeeeet

Beth called an Eunice’s boyfriend, Tyson and referrred to him as a douche.

Yes and …. Duck dating and Lola. Boys will be girls. Breaking boundaries

Eunice – Our FAM

She sleeps in and eats eggs with ketchup. Works from home Functional lingerie Company name “Sexy.Period”

Just got cast in RENT. Has Yorkie and takes her to the park. No bars. Dance class and rehearsal. Tyson is an economics professor. In 10 years she will sing.

Jon warms up the crowd. A-Team warm up.

Meanwhile-Ben enters the semi circle. Broken alarm clocks lead to tardiness at work and goons and Venus Flytraps. Beauty Contest for leader of Venus Flytrap World. Poking Alarm clocks. Liar!

Questions – All in. Oscar and Jimmy make a scene about nooks and crannies and Taco Bell. Marina and Ben restart. Eunice fills in for Ben.  Marina kicks some question butt. Third character entrance call from Adam. Up the ante. Scene continues.

Pillars – Like “Mad Libs”.  Jon confuses intro.  Suggestion of spaghetti/hospital yields intern fight. One syringe, one mallet, two ear muffs and six helicopters.

Beastie Rap – A move called the Nasty Plate. Six white men can’t rap.  Sue made several rounds.

INTERMISSION – Let’s all go the the lobby. Let’s all go to the lobby. Let’s all go to the lobby and get ourselves a treat.

Medical Excuses – What are you doing? Do it as Jazz. If you see through people’s clothes then you know the meaning of life. Nothing to fear from drafts, just fear itself.

Party Quirks – Jon A hosts. Dreamcatcher – Ben. Jessica Rabbit – Beth. Beaver building Dam – Marina. Conjugal vijits? Cream fetcher saves Jon.

Confucius Say – F___ed up fortune cookies. Resplain by Oscar, way better. Rock hard Rock stars. Ketchup falls behind. History professor doomed to repeat thenmselves….in bed .

Say It Again – Adam and Oscar are Sarah and Brit-nay. Girls just want to have fun with Twister. Lick hard is tasteful but sour. Ben, as a bispiecial bird and Jimmy, as a  bi-bee with beenifits.  Together they watch Bravo and are amazed by thespians in 3-D.

Space Jump – Algebra, Bingo, Horses, Cheerleading, Rent, Neanderthals, Fat evolution, Germans or Belgians, Fat Evolution, Neanderthals, Rent, Cheerleading, Horses, Bingo and Algebra.

Aaaaaaaand Scene.

Hey, you can’t write this stuff. You have to make it up …  in Improv.