Archive for December, 2010

BYOI’s Bright Night has a very Bright Kid!

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BYOI’s Bright Night show was a huge hit and one of our largest audiences ever nearing 300 people!  With a great cast of John, Adam, Marina, Mike and Myself we put a good show with some fun times!

Our FAM tonight was a young 6th grader named Sophie.  Don’t let her age fool you, this girl is a power punch of smarts, who loves Gloria from Modern Family and wants to grow up to be a chemical engineer! Go Sophie!

First up was Chainsaw where a Paleontologist in the clouds with an arrow, after an appearance by Indiana Jones and a hilarious dance through the clouds by Marina and John, became a Cow wrangler on a show stage with and arrow.  Next up was Tableau where we saw someone wanting their bone back, a mishap in the snow and an awesome scene with Mike in the sidecar of a Harley.  Fortunately, Unfortunately showed us that our shelter had been bought out by Walgreens and was made of Legos.  Quickest minute saw dogs on bikes and quick scenes brought us too much candy, chairs and toilets and a grass dancing trip Marina had been on too many times.  Finally we wrapped up with a game of Guidance Counselor where Marina had claustrophobia, I had a debt problem and Adam had athletes foot and John helped us all.  “Dad maybe we can do this at home now that we have karaoke revolution Glee edition.” – “OK, but I get to be Finn.”

Overall a fantastic night of improv.  We were followed up by a hilarious Laughletics and Improv Jones.  A great way to ring out 2010!  Looking forward to what 2011 brings on Sunday!  Hope to see you all there!

And Scene!

BYOI – Final Regular Show of 2010

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Not only is this the season ender(awwww)… but it is the last show of 2010 (awwww) and tonight we have a HUGE all star cast including… Daniel, Adam, Ben, Jimmy, Beth, Jon, Oscar, John, Mike, Marina, and Randy

FAM – Anna – has a BYOI thong that she won at the Frat-Friday show. Hates neighbor, he got fired from a bus boy job… HOW?!?, loves to eat, came here tonight with her mom, Anna loved to play with her cabbage patch doll… which she still has, found out in Newport that S**t Happens, wants to go to Hungary, speaks Hungarian, would love the ability to read peoples minds.

What are we doing – man vs. food – who ever can eat their weight in gummy bears… the prize is me – 1000 – friend… friend… friend… friend… friend… – reading minds – ok what ever the two of you are doing is cute – inbred – mom… you’re also my sister? – I hate Jimmy – (nothing but badgering our Jimmy) – Cabbage patch doll – Y’all gotta help me pick these.

Questions – Love – Don’t you know everyone hurts – peas – do you have a very small spoon – nice girl – where is the latex – unicorns – is that creamed corn – castro – are you union.

Get out of my room – south beach – F**k it… Go f**k yourself – Bible – He’s in the spot cause that’s the name of the place – get off my beach Nimrod – you don’t really see 3 testies – what book you on… Leviticus – robes with hoods to cover everything – light up the torches and check it out.

Dating Game – used to be a man – shark week – obsessed with bear rugs – big teeth… small teeth… here on TV, I’m afraid of Skirts, I’m an expert cause I have an accent.

Lines from a ‘cup’ – valentine – Romeo… Romeo, Hello my name is Inigo Montoya you killed my father, just cause you are a character doesn’t mean you have character, 4 score and 7 beers ago I was sober, its like chinchillas… omg… punt… oops.

Lines from a cup 2.0 – stretched out tattoos – she’s not a mermaid anymore… she’s a whale, rock stars have kidnapped her son, last time I was here you diagnosed me with ‘those ass-holes are gonna die’.

Highlander – gingerbread castle with a beast – do you know what happened to the last set of singing dish ware, you’re not a guest you’re an appliance, you should try being a candlestick, their not in my union.

Guidance Counselor – loving shapes – Likes sheep… ewe… and such – Adam doesn’t like that Beth is dominant – Randy sings a lovely song about have a sexual addiction to shapes – very well we’ll talk about the Ram next week, ‘and now my left eyes lazy’.


Yes and that’s how it’s done – flounder – I’m gonna bring you on my boat and feed my family of 18

Freeze Tag – meatloaf – stay away from “the ‘Loaf” – I have two cupholders…I have B-cups! – In a game of “cops and robbers” we can’t both be victims – I don’t trust Prancer, he always likes to be in the back – Steven, your wife is VERY nice! – You can see with your eyes – Up next on “Man vs. Diet”

Chainsaw – Stripper in a tool shed with a cape became pizza maker in a dairy barn with a pay phone.

Say it again – I love that you gave me Ghost busters II.. I hate this movie, I knew I should have got Gigli, when did you learn to speak Jamaican, don’t you threaten me with a good time.

Say it again 2.0 – hedgehog – Oh god… Jimmy’s loose – I don’t know where the knife came from but I’ll put it back, it was the cord that was catching your hands over there, sticky fingers, I really hope nobody rings a bell.

Everything emporium – Solid gold slinky – calculator as big as a house – leg warmers that grant wishes – I need it bigger… like something I can fit a recliner in, I want a little south of nuts, made out of jello…. maybe next winter, I’m buying for a very special lady… myself, this calculator is great… it’s got a lake side view

Centerpiece – lite bright – issues – very small rocks – plumber – what time does ritualistic whipping begin, have you seen the size of this clog… his name is Phil, you’ve been a great sales person here at lamps lamps lamps, I teach you how to hold whip like Indiana Smith, here comes Ben… the giant, his colon is about to have a great idea.

Happy Ending – we touched everything on Anna – another kind of bubble – Segway – then I fell off the segway and a doctor had to give me a suture, invisablity – well I’m behind Randy and I really like his thing, Boyfriends – ALL OF BALLS – Balls – cause I brought my balls to the skating rink.

♫”Every single frikin one of you!”♫


Bring Your Own Head Cold

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Let’s do this everyone! Stuffed up nose and all. Tonight’s cast is graced with Jimmy, Daniel, Adam, Marina, Jon, and Randy. And the show is starting off with a bang! in the form of Quick Scenes. All cast is kick-ass.

Randy warms us up and we’re ready for some FAM time {sidenote: Christmas can’t come soon enough. Holidays are an excuse for major Food Network time. And family.} Tonight’s FAM is Amanda C. The C is for Charming. Dan Wood thinks so, too.

We blow through some Tableau and onto Excuses, Excuses. Dan Wood jumps from the audience to take his place on stage. It is awkward in the right way. Hilarity! Jimmy keeps them on their toes in Story, Story Die that devolves into sordid tales about Crystal Meth. Now it’s time…for Questions? What’s that? Who wants to make love to celery? And now a question from The Joker. Why so serious? Serious Scene everyone! Randy is our Guidance Counselor for the night, and he really doesn’t understand proper teacher/student interactions! In song.

Intermission featuring The Swimmingly Backwards Boys and some music video goodness.

Back from break. Jimmy and Randy are bringing the lesson about mirroring. Good thing they both have facial hair! Amanda gets to see her life play out in front of her and Dan is playing her Mom and it’s one big therapy visit with funnytimes. Hey, you know what I love? Optimism. Also, Fortunately/Unfortunately. Bing bang boom, on to 8-Pack and World’s Worst. Short Cutz is up and Jimmy and Randy are back! and father and son-ing it through a lesson on tolerance.

Beastie Rap is closing the night! Two posses enter, one will dominate. This night dominated…just like the frakkin’ cold. Stay warm and healthy, everyone.

BYOI – Friday 12/10/10

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Tonight we have Daniel, Adam, Jimmy, Beth, Ben, and Mike!

FAM – Bryce – loves to Christmas shop on-line, last thing he got for himself was a ‘fleshlight’, is a drummer, will drum on anything, loves music, would love to go to Northern California, likes the outdoors

FAMily Assembly – ‘so you can actually bang on the skins’, made a cage to put Chad Kroeger in so Nickleback never releases another album, creating band members that never fight… Jimmy wins out so we will be having “MORE JIMMY”

Short Cuts – Your laundry wishes it was my laundry, I do more more work you do less talk, clash of the slightly less then titans.

Interrogation lineup – Kidnap a panda from a grocery store with the Monopoly guy – ‘I think she is on drugs’, what kinda panda do I look like to you, now they know name, couldn’t pronounce the silent ‘s’… yes… hammock

Pillars – darling this table… darling this table… darling this table, you have been throwing me off since we walked into this building, if it weren’t for the chainmail we would have giant bunnies, I feel very sheepish, fight my boss and shave my legs, even though we were on a date with William Shatner

pillars 2.0 – one time the power went out and I slipped you a roofie, Cory Meningitis, MORE JIMMY, f-ing Porky Pig

Alphabet – we will start with ‘M’ “just last week…” *ding*, you and your mastication, vile warrior to you, Xzibit did it better, Zeus brought me here, “that was the best southern Amish scene ever”, Keviewebie, *ding* too many accents, wow-zers, Zanzibar, geometry is better

Guacamole – KitchenAid Mixer – A heartwarming song of the relationship between a father and a son…who are soon joined by a feathered mom and Grandma, who nobody likes.  Unfortunately a nice family fishing trip turns into a massacre.


Yes and that’s how it’s done – Fear and loathing – I have a plan to get us out of hock… I’m going to sell my kidney, then I’m selling your kidney, then I’m selling kidney beans, can’t we just sell the kids

Grand theft auto – sasquatch apocalypse, sour atheists, crickets and roaches, crazy ringdings, crumping republicans, chocolate rainbows, cow ravers

Lines from a hat – Nike – Shut up Don you’re out of your element, Jump on me tonto, now pay me b***h, you know what… what if God was one of us, Wow you’re tall, if he keeps working I’ll let him see 9, enough is enough I’ve had it with these mutha f**king snakes on this mutha f**king plane

lines from a hat 2.0 – Men – it’s time to be doin MY nails, put down the fleshlight, look at those cuticles, not the rings Randal, this one time in explore your sexuality camp, the floor is made of broken glass, there’s a silent ‘s’ in hammock

Good, bad, and ugly – what to do when mobbed by children – create a bubble, the shorter they are the further they fly, hire them to do work – how a giant person could fit in the bathroom – use lubricant, circus fat contortionist, use a meat grinder – how to house train a pet – use a spray bucket, dunk them in water, hang then so gravity keeps everything inside – what is love – you don’t know what it is till you have lost it, parasite that will kill, balance between price and availability

Short Cuts – 311 – we haven’t changed the baby since 3:11 yesterday, go enjoy your personal assistant… maybe she can destarch you, what if I just burry my face in this Cosco barrel of salt, it was ruff, that’s my mom your talking about…. Oh how is she? WHAT, Jesus with a Z, I’m not the son of god… I am the son of  Zeus, J-Z Christ?, concrete jungle where dreams come from, warming up the ta-ta’s, I’m trying to follow your word but dirka-dirka’, I watched alot of Fragle Rock as a kid, it was the jazz hands quake of 72, did Slitherin show up again, now you have got 2 wands Harry

Revolver – ass kicked at ping-pong – hell – white water rafting – shory – hi welcome to club hell, MORE JIMMY, you’re not getting me like he got you, you guys are both a**holes, welcome to club purgatory or what ever, you have to say service, do I get a halo… am I Beyonce?, what happened to Carl?, Our net is dead, it’s 184 to 6, wow Carl can really hold his breath

Guacamole – Hot Dog Stand – rapping gangsta-style about a mean vending machine that beats up and robs people and eventually leads to some crazy West-Side-Story-style dance moves.   “Billy’s like what…Billy’s got ketchup…vending machine’s got relish it’s green…”


Stony Brook Party

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Tonight we traveled to Roslindale MA to put on an outside show at the Stony Brook Commons Community Center.

Our cast was represented by John, Adam, Beth, Marina and myself.

Our student FAM was Yolanda. She likes working with fractions in math class, playing kickball in gym class, and eating lunch with her BFF Iris.

The rest of the show brought magic mirrors, boxing partners, librarians using toilet brushes in a public high school, peanut allergies, and kicking baby sisters. We wrapped the night by singing Happy Birthday to a few members of the audience.

Thanks to Gene for setting us up with the show.

Wednesday Night Wisdom from BYOI

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Friends, Romans, improvisers, lend me your ears! Caesar here, blogging about the truths, lies, and bits of wisdom I hear at tonight’s wicked bodacious show. Our wise old cast tonight is comprised of Beth, Jimmy, Mike, Adam, Ben, and Derek. Let’s kick it ancient school!

To start things off, let’s invite one of our prestigious audience members to join the ranks of the FAM. We have…Megan! A first timer to BYOI. To honor our FAM we’re going to make an assembly line to create some fun stuff for her. Beth was the last one standing at the end of the layoffs and now may be joining scenes throughout the night at Megan and her roommate Trisha’s request.

Our first game of the night is Quick Scene where we saw awkward workplaces, strange relationships, and most importantly, more stuff for Stoof!

Next up is interrogation lineup. One of these strange criminals played checkers with Bugs Bunny inside a refrigerator and by golly they’re gonna go down for it. Turns out it was Ben, Jimmy and Mike who all collaborated to commit this not so heinous crime.

Those darn Greeks really seem to like these things, and so do we! Lets play Pillars! There’s a strange man who’s stalking Marina who really likes her lemonade squirting shoes. This man has a private staircase that’s so very nice in the evenings. “We have just one rule in this clubhouse, and that is: Do not squirrel!”

Now we’re gonna play some Alphabet! After one little flub, one of our regulars played flawlessly eliminated our entire cast! To wrap up the game, Ben called a sudden death round. Every letter of the alphabet in only ONE MINUTE! Can they do it!? Sadly no, but the intensity of the scenes were super…intense!

The beats are pumpin’ downstairs, meanwhile, up here, we’re doing an awesome show. That reminds me, it’s time to play Meanwhile! This game brought us to a broken down ice cream truck, beat box school, a family cow farm, and the models’ island getaway. “You know what I love? Not having to wear hair.”

We like to party here at BYOI, and good parties need music and snacks. So let’s play some Guacamole. Adam and Beth are singing about an epic duel between a priest who kills things and a guy who resurrects everything, but all is resolved, when the holiest of holies, the guacamole is brought to the table.


We’re back from the halftime show with a little Grand Theft Auto. This time cars were hijacked by: ferris wheels, Bill Cosby gravediggers, big puppies holding small people, vengeful fifth graders, and lumberjacks wearing dresses.

As a special treat tonight, we’ve got a real hat for Lines From a Hat. Three friends from work decide to go to a spa to get their beards shaved and their teeth pulled. Then, in round two, a man explores the chocolate factory while being harassed by its new owners Charlie Bucket and Gramps. “By the power of Grayskull I’ll take this place down!”

Where do go to get the best advice around? Clearly, BYOI. Time for some Good, Bad, and the Ugly, featuring Bob with a ‘B’, Ghost Face Killa’, and Tyrone Shoelaces. That was whack!

Next up we’ve got Shortcutz! Heater? Hit her? Who knows when you’re Italian!? Also, the mob’s out for our players because one of the business partners ratted them out. We took a look at the strange union created for multi-armed other-abled people, a super intense model staring contest, and a town where there could be only one announcer. “Sorry, I missed all that during your orgasm. What kind of coffee did you want?”

Click, click, boom. Revolver! Jimmy took an audience member’s parents to counseling. “But dad’s been dead for three years//Yeah, he was a tough nut to crack.” Derek put all his stocks in salad and lost big and Marina is an Atlantean princess who’s escaped to the surface.

Time for more partying. That means time for more Guacamole! Adam and Beth are going nuts with lines about taking over the government, but the mimes are keeping up pretty well. “Nun-chucks, paparazzi, nun-chucks, paparazzi.”

Thanks for reading guys and gals. Hope you’ve gained as much wisdom from reading about this show as I gained from being here…but seriously, you probably didn’t. So come see us! Caesar, OUT!

Friday 12/3/10

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Tonight we have John, Mike, Marina, Jimmy, Randy, and Ben!!!!!

FAM – Kail – Crystal dragged him here, Works with Crystal, she used to be his boss, Works with a redneck with a mullet, Terry who is a Spicy Portuguese woman, used to work with Sandra who cheated the numbers, likes to go dancing, likes Techno,

FAMily dinner – hopefully someone will join me so I don’t have to eat alone… again, I did that before breakfast, someone’s wearing her evil panties again, here eat this lean cuisine it’s all I got.

Quick Scene – DOG BREATH, I can never get enough of you, hair ball

Sports Commentator – Diaper throwing competition – the audience is so revolted they can’t even applaud, he’s pulling it out of him remotely, OH MY GOD his own shoes have come out of his mouth, oh no he’s going to shot put it, hopefully we won’t be back next year

Revolver – Giving Birth – Cheating – Institution – Lake – I prefer to drink Sunny-D… to each his own, You went to 4 years of Vet school… your gonna pull this horse out of this…. horse, I didn’t write up an agreement cause I only know 3 words, you put your self in here just to learn my secret, so glad the Vet school has turned into a Meth clinic

Party Quirks – Sarah Palin, addicted to laxatives, Fireworks – I brought my own stool, Is that a moose, He just…. keeps… popping… them…, are you going to go off again

Back in my day – Peacocks – we all died of kidney failure at the age of 2 – Nascar – but we still sat in the sun drinking beers – Work – they called everything play and it sucked

Freeze – Taxes – we have a liger… don’t you think I know my animals – coach we’re in the middle of the game… get off the field – only one person can cross the road at a time – TILT why are you hating your job

Sing It! – why do you lie to me… first you lied about Mom having sex… she was inseminated, we weren’t reading comic books… we were planning world domination


Day in the life – You guys maintaining?, Kail you over slept.. we gotta go to club Baby Seal, It’s always maintaining, brrrrrrr rrrrr left turn

Try that on for size – canoeing – I’m digging my own grave – last piece of cake – I’m cutting out parts of people’s heads and feeding it to them – Stealing a stop sign – I’m stealing your sweater – Tennis – I’m babysitting kids – baking – fishing without a reel

Post it – core of the earth + mountain top ‘I’m as far away from you as possible… yea but I made you’ – Budist nun + San Fran ‘Girl that Budist Nun outfit is fierce’

Sit, stand, lie down – Scratch tickets – I just invested in the scratch ticket stock… every time you lose… I win, I wouldn’t want your heart to erupt like last tie, why can’t we have a normal holiday around here

Short cuts – fell in a puddle – muhahaha, wuha that’s my boy, guys if you will help me I have a sheep, a wolf, and a chicken, THOSE ARE MY HEARING AIDES, the suspension of this guy is fantastic, my hood keeps chasing me, what the hell you guys doing to my deck, how you like Christmas 1985 again, it’s a skip it not a sex it, tick-tock bing-bong… what do you want

Sing it – I’m just going to stick it on a tree, I’m not putting it down.. there’s two of them now, why are we all getting cockney, I’m bleeding… get me to the rubber tree, spank the monkey, he threw his fecies in my ear, put down the hostage


December the One, wherein One equals Evil Crystal

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Good evening, y’all!  Ben here.  Tonight, I’m kicking it with Jon “the Texas Tarzan” Audette.  He and I are like a Richard Simmons-Richard Pryor mashup, wherein I’ll be the least-offensive impression.

Tonight’s cast includes:  Adam, Randy, Daniel, Mike, Marina, and Jimmy “the Arkan-see-sas” Sorel.

Our FAM tonight is Evil Crystal, who should never be confused with Regular Crystal.  Evil Crystal is different.  Evil Crystal loves her Grandma.  Regular Crystal despises all grandmothers.  Evil Crystal despises all grandfathers.  Regular Crystal, I can only assume, also despises all grandfathers.  Oh, to be young…

Tonight’s Act One rundown:

  • FAMily Dinner:  featuring chairs, turkey, senility, and the wonderful world of donkey shows
  • Quick Scenes:  (new game!)  featuring meetings, Santa, snake children and the wonderful world of waiting on hold
  • Sporstcaster:  featuring the International Air Guitar Championship and the wonderful world of ribs, rips, and riffs!
  • Revolver:  featuring chocolate, hairspray, kinky, blood and the wonderful world of carry-on luggage!
  • Party Quirks:  featuring Ant/Aunt Farm, aggressive help, a rainbow and the wonderful world of “I’m going to walk him!”
  • Back in My Day:  featuring Pilgrims, Old Man Potter, poor people, and the wonderful world of hollow pigs!
  • Freeze: featuring Sparta, the moon, America!, robots, loud claps (RANDY!) and the wonderful world of small men and two large knives!
  • Sing It:  featuring model shoes, big feet, hair, and the wonderful world of Janelle & Sergio!

For Act Two:

  • Day in the Life:  (new game!)  featuring old people, doughnuts, ‘nilla wafers, and the wonderful world of beautiful lady parts!
  • Try That on for Size: featuring spinning wheels, dick-punches, moonwalks for fatties, and the wonderful world of “Hey, was that over the line?”
  • Post-It:  featuring tangelos, racist death, that nickname in college, and the wonderful of world of nothingness!
  • Sit Stand Lie Down:  featuring Funions, nerds, a pee puddle, and the wonderful world of popcorn butter!
  • Shortcuts:  featuring love, spray scents, and the wonderful world of occasionally safe sex!
  • Sing It:  featuring whiny children, fireman, disgruntled employees, and the wonderful world of “Ah-YEEEEEEE, I mean, I wanna Wii!”

And a choice selection of favorite quotes.

  • “Oh, I forgot, the dark horse over here:  Slosh.”  –RB
  • “We do pharmaceutical chocolates now.”  –JA
  • “But I’m going to leave you my elevator which goes anywhere-almost-anywhere.”  –JA
  • “Found you!”  “Dammit.”  –MC & Audience
  • “Your car tires were low so I pumped them up” -JS
  • “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” -BC
  • “*bahm-bum*” -MA
  • “Boof! Skittles.” –BC
  • “I want those Louboutins in my size right the f*** now!” –RB
  • “There is some lint on your shoulder” –JS
  • “When’s your Uncle going to harvest my fields?” –DLW
  • “Back in my day, we didn’t have Jesus.  We had Fernando, and he helped out in the yard.”  –RB
  • “Mary Jane!  Mary Jane!  I love you.  I’m Spiderman.  *psst!*”  –RB
  • “Omigod, I could die!  I want feet like that!  I’m a monster!” JA
  • “Man, that giant’s gotta huge dick–try that on for size!” –AK
  • “Next, I’ll massage you–try that on for size” –JS
  • “I’m doing a urination spell.”  –RB
  • “Damn those Funions!”  “They’re not fun anymore.”  –RB & OVP
  • “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”  –MA
  • “Did you know her uterus had spray paint all over it?” OVP
  • “Banksy’s art stays out there for years!  Yours comes off with a wet-nap.”  –MA

That’s all we got folks!  Thanks for reading.  To carry you over to the next show, here’s a little something Marina, Randy and friend-of-the-show Mel Dupont did for Randy’s friends back home!  Kick it:

Meanwhile… Batman Returns

And be sure to catch Randy in the holiday burlesque at the Perishable Theatre, appropriately titled:  Jingle Belles and a Few Balls.

Good night!