Archive for April, 2011

BYOI – Our Favorite Drinking Holiday

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Tonight we have Daniel, Jimmy, Beth, Marina, Mike, Randy, and John!

FAM – Elaine – likes bonfires, unemployed, licensed sail boat captain, strangest passenger thought she was a mermaid in previous life and was a horrible dresser, loved Quick Draw Mcgraw, wanted to be a muppeteer when she grew up, loves Gonzo, worked in props till CGI got her laid off.

FAM Chainsaw – phone operator – Rodeo – washing machine – phone operator became anesthetization for hair removal, rodeo stayed rodeo and washing machine became clothes pins.

Try That On for Size – I’m getting ready for my closeup, I’m the worst magician in the world, ok math class this is what a square looks like, wine is getting really easy to open these days, I’m drying my fingernail polish, is that a zit, my girlfriends really into it.

Good Cop / Bad Cop – sneezed into his hand with oscar the grouch in the space shuttle – here is some purell, if I look at you again something will come up, I don’t want to litter… is there a trash can around here, you took his whole house?, his eyes are piercing my soul, I’m not an astronaut but I have been told that I’m out of this world.

Pillars – Tower of Pisa – I want you to stop adopting random children on the plane, what kind of weirdo pseudo science crap is your real parents reading you, you were trying to make me think I’m Jesus, stop talking about my parents that way, can I have a different family, from now on we’re gonna call you Frank N Stein, couldn’t eat the pizza but I’ll eat the steak.

The Good the Bad and the Ugly – car leaking oil – good – use restore – bad – use any kinda oil – ugly – park your car at Kartabar – saving money – good – have to make money to save money – bad – cement bank off the pier – ugly – go to Kartabar put money up skirts – looking for a girlfriend – good – go to college – bad – ok-cupid with opposite profile info – ugly – craigslist ad for hottest girl at Kartabar.

Freeze Tag – I will taze you, it’s just a Razor that I painted to look like an iphone, I see you brought Pussy Galore with you, you didn’t tell me you were bringing silly string… I brought regular string, OK Danielson… you’re crane style look like dog style, how does it feel to be 80 dad.


Dating Game – Lucile Ball, sushi chief, conspiracy theorist – take you to a chocolate factory, catch fish in the ocean, contestant 1 I think your hot, contestant 3 what is your outlook on life, I like Cuban things, my poem would have 17 syllables, you went to school with Donald Trump, Oh my gosh I’ll be your Ethel, that Sue SHE is a real winner.

Back in My Day – pyromaniacs “We hadn’t invented fire yet”…Maine…sailboats “You had to pay full price”…pirates “I still had scurvy!” “The only person who raped and pillaged was my Uncle Jimmy”…remote controls “Stop stealing my stories”…older ladies “They were young b!@#*es” “We lived to be 25 and liked it.” “The Boy Scouts stood on corners for hours” “The only the thing with blue hair was Oscar and Cookie Monster.”

Say It Again – it’s 5’oclock somewhere, on this the holiest of drunk days, that’s cause alcohol has a higher boiling point, she passes out and I pee somewhere.

Irish Drinking Song – Ground Hog Day – with a hammer I will pound, oh winter sucks, I’m gonna hit him with my hammer, and pee in every seat.


Tonight was Jimmy, Beth, Marina and Randy’s last show with BYOI we will miss them!

Eggtastic Sunday!

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Hi folks, and thank you for reading this blog of mine for the coolest improv show, BYOI!!! Our cast tonight included Daniel, Mike, Randy, Stephanie, and our newest member Tyler.

Daniel got the show off on a good foot by running out and explaining the “RESPECT the Aht.”

Our FAM tonight was Katie. She brought quite a large size family out to show support for Tyler. Some of her favorite things to do is shopping and outdoor activites like hiking and such. She is a teacher and has some crazy students. Maria, being one of these students, loves horses and math. “Bob” is very active, loves playing sports and is very studious, however Katie would love to put a muzzle on him.

Tyler gave us all a cool warm up. In honor of today being Easter Sunday he played the “What is in my Easter basket?” game. He pulled out lots of random items such as peanut butter cups, peeps, and stones.

Family Dinner – Lots of ” Dings” and only a few “Buzz’s” made this crazy family dinner worth watching.

What are you Doing – I’m eating the ears off my Easter Bunny / Hunting for jelly beans / painting Easter eggs.

Meanwhile – Gun Shows, Somebody’s house / Flourist’s shoppe / Nobody’s house.

Story, Story, Die – This is the story of the Easter Dragon and why he couldn’t get his basket of ‘pan chocolate’ eggs. Tyler is the first to die via smite and boil. Chapter 2 is about how the Dragon gets his revenge. Randy is the next to fall becoming eaten by this crazy dragon. Chapter 3 is titled The Easter Dragon and the Booger. Dueling this story out to the last line was Mike and Stephanie until finally a tie was declared and the story had come to the completion.

Alphabet – Stephanie and Randy start the scene off using Easter bonnet and ‘o’ to start. Randy quickly comes up letter-less and Mike steps up to the challenge and they get grocery store as their prompt, yet after a great run, Stephanie fumbles up too. Soon an audience member comes out to play, but being new she giggles her way of the stage making room for Daniel to have fun with Mike. Soon Randy comes out to play with the boys and helps create a scene the audience couldn’t help but laugh at.

Excuses Excuses – Daniel was late for Easter Dinner Shame on him, hope he had some great excuses. He was on a date, Bike tire fell off, and he was playing with his Barbie’s again. With some coaching he got #1, but secured #2 with little failure, and after a little struggle he nailed #3.


Stephanie and Randy started the 2nd half with a little mime show. Basically they were teaching a quick lesson about how you can still improv act in a scene and not have to actually say anything. And that’s a little something we like to call, Yes and That’s how it’s Done!

Daniel and a young audience member go together to  play this game. Mike played as Theodore the kind and gentle dragon, where as Tyler was the big mean dragon. Katie G stepped in to play our dragon hairdresser. Next part of this story involved  Stephanie and another audience member to pay our beautiful princesses, Jill and Teddy.

Chain-Saw – Mike is a dog trainer, on a boat/ferry, with a beanbag chair. Seems he relayed the message to Stephanie pretty well, however her interpretation seemed to get a little lost in translation for an audience member… maybe. Tyler is the next up to try and figure this puzzle out. And I’m laughing so hard cause I don’t believe he gets it. Daniel just seemed completely lost and just goes with it. Lastly a young audience member comes in and thinks she has figured it out. So what did a dog trainer, on a ferry, with a bean bag get translated into? Gun factory, a shop, and a gun. Stephanie nailed the occupation, but landed her location on the moon, but saved herself with the cushy object.

Revolver – Ireland, sombrero, hot dogs, and puppies were the prompts for this game. Tyler gave a nice leprechaun voice, soon followed by Randy spitting out some espanol. Coming from no where was a talking dog that can’t see color or eat chocolate, yet doesn’t find that she can talk anything special.

Slogans – English, “Try learning it” / 90’s TV, “Blossum was awesome, right?”

Curtain Call – Such talented improv songwriters we have from our cast. And let’s not forget the talented guitar playing from Tyler.

And Scene!!!

Friday 4/22/11 200th show!!! And it’s all about Crystal!!!!!

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Welcome to our 200th show!! Our cast this chilly Friday night consists of Daniel, Marina, Mike, Joe, Stephanie and Josh. Daniel starts off teaching us some RESPECT and then we are introduced to our FAM, Crystal! Crystal/Leslie has filled up her card and yesterday was her birthday. She is not sober and likes to build birdhouses with soft wood. Leslie/Crystal works in a “movie house”. She brought best friend Justin and before she became a BYOI addict she liked to read and write and sometimes read what she wrote. As a child she dreamt of being an Olympic high-jumper and she also enjoys figure skating. We suspect she spent time training with Al Qaida.

Stephanie warms up the audience with counting balloons filled with terrible/terrifying things. Daniel and Crystal are writing helicopter erotica called “You Spin Me Right Round” starring Krystal with a K. “I see you have some naughty turnips.” “He’s an amazing chopper!” “Do you like my slightly less than impressive muscles?” “Fish burrito…you are what you eat.” “She was willing to get rid of the beef between us.”

In What Are You Doing we tweeze eyebrows, do taxes (“I don’t think you can deduct pornography”), bounce dogs, contemplate the meaning of life with Cheerios, play hopscotch with rabid chickens, babysit gorillas (“If you put on Pawn Stars they’ll just sit and watch it!”) and contemplate navel lint.

Helping Hands – It’s raining cats and dogs… look there is fluffy, can you get that Persian over there, it’s in my back pocket, it will get rid of the dogs, I’m so angry at you!!

Party Quirks – Donald Trump, a breathalyser and repeating words… is that the alphabet… I can start anywhere you want, time is money, I dare you to quiz her she knows them all, helping people out helping people out, I’m available in all 50 states, there it is there it is, I’ve totally been in your mouth before.

Six Pack – rainbow bright – BELLE – ginger – what have I told you about turning on all those colors so early in the morning – you’re not gonna fit in the wedding dress if you don’t shape it up, You really are a beast, I see those drugs I slipped into your skittles are working, it would take a lot of super glue but we can make it work, catch it before the leather sofa starts talking.

Hoedown – towers – really nasty showers, then I look down and I think I have all these powers, I knock down the tower with some angry birds


Yes and… – Tonight we learn that there is much more to silence when Mike and Stephanie scare each other at Halloween.

Quickest Minute – Police officer – you’re in south country that’s ok here, wait what we got 30 seconds, stay afloat, hang on you’re moving too fast, are you smoking weed, I’m on the sandbar, room full of fire, there’s so much fire are you smoking weed.

Timmy in the well – Big Bird, keeps stuttering at the police station – a velociraptor is in trouble… and he has a terrible stutter…. in JAIL…

Quick Scene – Not sober – his tail won’t fall off – you smell like my mother – I say we take that b**ch Dorothy out, get it out!!!, oh marry me do it again, I’ve only got purple ones, I’ll never listen to that again, mmm bob, 2 times 2 is I have to pee, go ahead and burn the instructions, that’s the worst picture I’ve ever seen, he’s got a 20 I’ll give you 10, red rover red rover send my next b**ch on over.

Blank walks into a bar – blog – no one can stop commenting – seafood, walks into a sandbar – birdhouse, you’ve already been hammered – mop, where’s the puke – gun, you’re already loaded.

Alphabet – “My God, are you Captain obvious?” “No, actually I’m DOCTOR Obvious.”…”Maybe someday I’ll get to the Olympics if my partner is strong enough to lift me.” “Nobody is strong enough to lift you.”

Hoedown – going down the street and ran into a cow, Crystal is going to go outside and have another 80 shots, man I’m just a lush, she’s come 70 million bazillian times this year, we go smoking in a den.


Jace is in this Place!

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It was great to see so many new faces among our regulars tonight!!!

The night started off with a warm up, which showed us all Randy’s interesting, and slightly disturbing, eating habits. We were then introduced to our F.A.M. of the night: eleven year old Jace (lie face). He is a video game enthusiast, specializing in Halo-esque games. We learned that due to Jace’s extracurricular of shooting people with air-dot guns that he should not choose postman as a future employment option.  He has a nameless lizard that may or may not be related to Godzilla, who was dubbed “Dune” by the BYOI cast.

Skateboard Shoota was the theme of Sing It, where Diet Mountain Dew doesn’t cut it, the common denominator between 2 and 3/4 is air-soft gun, and the gym teacher was forced to leave the rectangle.

Try That on for Size had Daniel cutting pictures of his ex. We saw the real Batman and what goes into auditioning for the newest Harry Potter musical.

Freeze Tag – Summer camp brought out the anti-toothfairy, and I have finally experienced the art of Russian break dancing.

New Born showed us that combining Megan Fox with a Pop Tart creates  Hot Dog. There was an epic TMNT debate in Space Junk. We also saw the evolution from Blue Man Group to Orange Man Group to Green Man Group with Blue Puke.

Yes and That’s How It’s Done taught us the magical powers of moving around the stage. During Press Conference Prince bought out Sky Mall. There was cerebral flatulence in Questions. Back in My Day showed us that Grand Theft Auto use to give you five years. I was throughly disturbed by the crazy girl in Sit Stand Lay Down. And the whole night was wrapped up with Beastie Rap where the RI essential.

It was a great show and I hope to see you all next week!

And Scene!

BYOI – Friday 4-15-11

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Hey there guys and gals. Tonight we have Daniel, Randy, Jimmy, Beth, and Stephane

FAM – Kaitlyn V – Mass Media Communications major, used to be a waitress/bartender at Ruby Tuesdays, favorite coworker was Liz who is a daring artist, fellow student who stands out is Kate… who speaks her mind… wait her cousin is in the audience *awkward*, came to the show with Kaitlyn A (1.0) and Danielle, Looks up to her grandfather who taught her to swear in Arabic and smelles like cigarettes and breath savers. He loved Dean Martin movies. Kaitlyn loves Johnny Depp

FAMily Party – We’re gonna watch Titanic… that’s terrible, I’m so caring, I’m #1, I swear to god I will kill you with my cigarette, so outspoken… really outspoken… OH KATE!

Remake – Farmhouse & cow – I have to coverup my grandkids to cover up my raging alcoholism, I got a water-hose that says different, and I said ‘you sure do talk pretty’, does it have to do with milking yourself some money, there you go… covered in Steve, I wish Ireland was a real place, go get the vodka… from the cow

Tableau – cannibalism keg party, rear view window anyone?, Best prank ever ‘I’m gonna turn someones name tag upside down’

Centerpiece – Cumberland – gambling – unemployed – BFF – you aren’t the boss of me, sounds more like a bunch of medical problems, that’s right they are two different sizes, half off a cup of noodles, you were 48 trying out for the part of a teenager, why are you breaking your own knees

Pavlovian Response – Um or Uh has to bark – any physical contact does the chicken dance – back turned has to act really shocked – Raspberry is a stupid name… conjugate is so much better


Pillars – I need that to say… absolutely nothing, I see you have a problem with your pickle, I better get my witch burning sticks, they stole my soul, did somebody say 1999.

Marriage Councilor – wants to put pandas everywhere, always touches his elbows, feels sick when they look at each other – I want you to look each other in the eyes and say I love you, you didn’t mind when the wedding colors were black and white, face each other but look away.

Worlds Worst – book hero – captain abstinence this book is gonna be boring – sandwich – desertwich… burn her – major – dinosaur birthing – Grandpa’s advice – I have a headache…. I’ll cut off your finger.

Serious Scene – Find a pretty girl… or a boy, when your mom started out she didn’t even have a beard, face paint… it’s kinda art, friends you can keep for the weekend.

Irish Drinking Song – Spinning – I even beat a kid, I looked fine as hell, I don’t know how much I weigh.


BYOI- April 10th: I is the new L

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Tonight’s show was fabu!! If you missed it, what a shame -_-.  No worries, though; I am here to fill you in. The awesome cast was Marina, Randy, and Daniel. Joining us for their very first BYOI appearances were Rob and Joe.

Tonight’s F.A.M. was the scrambled egg lover, John. Who parks cars for McDonald’s munching Mercedes SUV drivers. He recently went to visit his sister in Florida and is a fan of Operation (except that darn knee). Action/ drama movies are John’s favourite, and Randy decided John’s life movie would be entitled Life Not in the Handicap Spot.

Tickle Me Elmo pizza was not impressive enough for the boss in Pillars, though I believe the chunks of fur missing from the dog may have something to do with that. Daniel attacked some poor innocent rock climbers and Marina got too chatty during Rope.

The next great hit of 2011 will be The Cuban as per the Movie Critics, where nobody is old enough, Cubans are paid in pesos, and a grand finale of a chorus line singing “Friday”. Some of the cast need to brush up on their Alphabet, or is I really the new L? And we all learnt that zombies drink X-rayed chewable milk.

It was the perfect crime: stealing jelly beans from the playboy mansion with the Easter bunny. But, crime never pays my friends, and in the end the culprits were caught.


Yes and That’s How We Do It showed the audience members how object work can make the scene make sense without making it obvious. Oh, and that “anarchy is where we draw the line”.

Meanwhile… we were shown a new form of spit art, which can make Randy a rather fancy Speedo. Aliens disapprove of us hostile Earthlings, and yet, they bite the heads off their teachers. But, no worries, because you never need fear Randy taking your beloved PB and J; he much prefers his turkey on rye.

2+2= docks, because clearly, bringing someone down to the docks is the best advice in The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. However, I thought the best way to fix a leaking faucet is to rip a finger off a rubber glove and tape it to the faucet with electrical tape.

Luke Skywalker and Piano join forces to adopt a Spam baby in New Born. Quick Scenes taught us not to entrust our Epi-Pens to Kool-Aid Man, because his arms are too short to reach his pockets. And don’t worry, because if we don’t save the world in 30 minutes or less, the next one is free. The night was wrapped up with a wonderful Hoedown featuring the musical styling of BYOI and their song on garbage.

“And you’re a b….. bad person.” Remember that Sunday shows are family friendly;  so bring the kids, the grandparents, the pet gerbil (no really don’t though). I hope to see you all at the Warwick Museum of Art at 6:00 next Sunday so you can actually understand my inane ramblings ^_^.

Friday, April 8, 2011 is all about…RANDY

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Good evening BYOI groupies! I am happy to be your blog hostess for tonight. Pull up a chair, open a drink, and get ready to laugh until something comes out your nose!

Our cast tonight consists of Daniel, Beth, Marina, Mike, and Jimmy. Dan teaches us some RESPECT, and then our FAM tonight is our very own RANDY! He’s a middle-namer who has relocated from Alabama because of LOVE. He likes to watch nature documentaries with his boyfriend, Stephen, and Randy is a hula-hooper in his spare time. He also works at a consignment shop. Randy’s favorite Providence restaurant is “The Red Fez”. If Randy could have any super power, he would like to spontaneously manifest copies of “Waiting to Exhale” on DVD.

Movie Night! Randy’s movie is “My World Got Turned Upside-Down Last Night” and Mike is co-hosting his premiere! “It smells like a raccoon.” “I’ll take it!”…”Is cheeseburger, I put falafel sauce on it!”…”You may or may not hear the soundtrack to ‘Waiting to Exhale'”…”I see things differently now, I’ve got paws!”…”I want to be with you, but the Quaker faith does not allow me to be with vain people.”…”It’s just the dog harmones talking….Take a deep breath and let it out. Now exhale.”

Jimmy leads a reenactment of the soda spilling in the audience, and everyone is feeling red…and wet…and absorbent. Guess it’s time to play…”Good Cop, Bad Cop”! Jimmy and Erin are interrogating Beth, who is in trouble for unscrewing the top of a salt shaker with Miss Piggy at Toys R Us. “I didn’t know Princess Di did karate.”…”I saw that trick in ‘Animal House’.” “Speaking of animal house…!”…”We would not send children to Neverland!” “Not the ranch…”…”This is more fun than that time I went to church.”

Six-Pack! Protests and robots and staplers, oh my! “It’s like spooning up against a skyscraper.”…”I have to go get the OTHER stapler.” “That’s a nail gun!”…”These new protest signs are even better than the ones you turned in. This one just says ‘HUG’.”…”Ghandi said that…it’ll be the new ‘That’s what she said’.”…”Do your own dishes you sexist son of a b*%#h.” “Now you really sound like my ex-wife.”

Story, Story, Die – Olivia Douchekakis is having problems at work after immigrating from Moracco. Her smelly fez causes her to make a mess…and Beth dies from glitter. Chapter Two begins with Olivia tracking down the fez that got away. “The MTV generation…that was cracked out on drugs…” and Marina and Erin die in a staring contest. Chapter Three is a grudge match between Jimmy and Mike, which ends horribly with Jimmy being killed by time.

There can be only one last game of the first half, which means it’s time to play Highlander! Marina only wants half a marriage with Mike, and their half-son Timmy. “It really means ‘open’, that’s what I meant with the ‘half’.” Mike’s voted off…”You take a bagel and cut it in half and there’s always a bigger half, which is my half.”…”Half a ceremony is twice!”…Our audience volunteer gets voted off…”You okay Tim Tim Tim Timmy Tim Tim?” “You can just call me ‘T’.”…”Like an open relationship where I’m the open one and he’s closed.” And Marina is the winner!


Grand Theft Auto – Whoopie Goldberg impersonators – Michael Jordan’s Back-ne – Rocky Horror Picture Show impersonators – Foreign investors – Mirror images *crash* I am 7 years bad luck

Lines from a hat – Storage unit office – I know you’re in there… I want my stuff… You want fries with that? – Lets make out like a bandit – if he’s so smart why is he dead? – save me Jeebus – I’m fired aren’t I? not if you touch this amulet – all you need is love… and money – I wish you were real – The clam goes right away – I’m really bad at this game

Excuses Excuses – chatting on the internet, stuck in snow, earth opened up and swallowed my house again – I was texting while driving, I had to dig out my car and there was this mummy, the entire universe exploded… no my house and there was this belly dancer

Meanwhile – Bar – You do dress awfully pretty, I’m so glad you’re in charge you got all the brain power, it happened once but I want it to happen again, Marco…… Polo….., I’m not going to be at the textile mill, polo-i’m-not-here, more like the girl next whore, here you go mommy fresh poopie in a bag, not too close… you don’t want the head to explode

Beasty-Rap – Bob, rob, mob, knob, cob, lobbed, slob, flob? – Mike, bike, trike, tike, like, psyche – soda, coda, quota, rhota – mirror, clearer, fearer, vera, peer-a – chair, hair, dare, fear, Cher, fair, flair, pair, lair, stare, nair, care, hairs, mare, pear, fair, stare.

And Scene!

BYOI Rocks it Ramones Style

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Tonight is another great night at the Warwick Museum of Art!  Tonight we have on Marina, Randy, Stephanie and Myself.  Also joining us is Tyler our auditioner.

Tonight’s FAM is Renee, who happens to be Tyler’s Mom.  She is a music teacher with two cute dogs, loves veggie pizza, playing games on her I-Pad and teaches many kids how to play “B-A-G” on the recorder.

In a Day in Renee’s Life where she feeds her dogs, is annoyed by the new BAG song, and orders the epic Spinach Pie.

We found the God Berry in What Are You Doing, found an allergy to dogs in Fortunately, Unfortunately, drank baby water in Center Piece and saw dogs eat tires in Excuses, Excuses.


The second half began with the Yes and mantra, found a favorite leg in Freeze Tag, Shopped for a tap dancing Martian at the Everything Emporium, Found that High Schools work better with funding and that Pizza is the rebel Pie in Slogans, visited the flea ridden library in Helping Hands, discovered Bob Dylan was a ghost hunter and finished with a Ramones Greatest Hit about being tazed by your mom!

And Scene!